empty?

never felt so empty and lifeless.. got no mood study, no mood to play games and so. so tired and exhausted. =.= boring. after finals, gonna start work. quite troublesome. feel like quitting. lol. bored bored. these days i find it hard 2 communicate with the ppl around me. i am having trouble 2 communicate with ppl around me. guess where did it started? i think it's her. since that day she said dat, i have no sense to figure out what ppl said is a joke or not a joke. lost my sense of humor? lol. and i feel my distance with my frens r getting further n further. it seems impossible for me to blend into them. i feel alienated. separated. left out. so alone. what has happened 2 me? all thanks to you. =[

sushi king on 13th

on 13th april 2010, i went to eat sushi king with my mom,bro, future sis-in-law, cousin sis and husband. woots. syokness. then after eating, i met sue and her didi and her papa. wahahaha. woots. total randomm. just feel like posting something. there's another post. i just dont want to paste it up here. guess it's not the time yet or i rather keep it mysteriously. thats all. and the sushi king, we all a total of 51 plates, and averagely it's about 9-10 plates. while sue, 3ppl can eat 20 plates. that's about 6-7 plates each person. but the problem is, they had dinner and we did not. woots. sue is sipek gao chiak. wahahaha! and nights sue. =)

seriously

i dont mind you come and look for me when u r in any hardships but what concerns me is that, our friendship is just like that? and that's it? no other topics to talk about ? u said u were a chatterbox, but what now? sigh. i seriously dont mind , instead i feel happy if u talk 2 me. that's karma i suppose? i dun mind being used by u, dun mind being someone invisible to u but somehow u never paid attention to my feelings. u dont even bother. so what am i, after all this while, i'm just another dog? or wat? another person u will go to when u are having issues in ur life? i am getting tired lately. because i totally dont understand you. u knew i wouldnt backstab or betray u. after so many years right? after all those stuff u did to me, i still dint bother and i stil help u. but what do i get in return? nothing right? yeah totally crap shit. like nothing. not even a word of concern. i feel like i'm juz a tool. i am not going to post it here today (16 april 2010, 12.41 AM) because i knew if u saw this post u straight will know it's u. i will still be the pair of ears if u need one, i will still lend my shoulder if u need a shoulder to lean on. if u need help, i will still help. because i still feel i owe u, my dear sis. =| and i couldnt figure out that i should be happy ? or ? sad ? with this. sigh.

happy?

what makes me happy? i dont know either. achieving good grades? kena lottery? lol? laughing stupidly with the besties? i dont know. maybe i so tired about life and i dont even know what makes me happy now. i feel life's meaningless and there's no point to continue living? but i will still live until i found my meaning of my life, my story of life. what's life all about when there's no true laughter? u dont even know the comrades beside you are true to you or rather just another faker or another advantage taker. the world is getting more and more realistic. and also materialistic. what is worst? we can do NOTHING about it. like nothing. with the weather and the people around you, life's getting tougher. tough tough. and and, finals. sucks. who likes taking exams or test? but everyone will eventually go through it. the difference is time and what matters is how well are you prepared for it. yes i am not prepared. hates test* currently, i'm listening to Lin Jun Jie's Bei Dui Bei Yong Bao. i find it quite nice and it reminds me of the moment where the two girls who bei dui bei yong bao with jj! shit ass. crap man. woots* why do i even bother? lol! watever i am crapping la. aiks. i jz realised that these days i dun really know what am i doing. feeling so lost. so isolated. oh yea. today my mom ordered the sofas dy. weee* syok ness. like shereen's favourite word, AWESOME. xD what's on my mind now? nothing much. just that my tamadun then my english and worst, ohr. the toughest among all. okay and then today. this ahem* told me she was sad cuz of her house. i felt so random in her. lol. then another girl told me i am her diary. haha. happy to hear that actually. at least, i feel i exist in them. though it may not last long. but at least, i existed Before. after all, i just want the people around me to be happy. if they are, then i am. maybe this is my happiness? =| i dont know and i wanna know. interesting huh. crap la. ahh tired. want break but boh break. break have 2 go work. damn poor d. kao sai. the trend is kao sai. woots.

finals.

yes finals of 3rd sem is here.. hmmm. guess it's time to start revising and all. i dowana ended up regret for stuffffffffffffsssssssssssssssssssssss. those effing shits. sick of it. argh. this sem oni 3 subject should have done better. roars.

*talking to myself.

yes i should doing all this nonsense here.
yes you should. such a waste of time.
i know la but boh mood, beh study also.
beh study ki khun.
beh, just ate one bowl of bihun th'ng.
who cal u eat
nvn eat dinner mah
who cal u nvn eat dinner
nth 2 eat ma.

okay stop. nonsense. wth.

roars

roars roars roars roars roars
@$%^&*(*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@#)(*&^%$#$^&*(*&^%$#@#^&*()(*&^%
ROARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

what nonsense is this? LOL

what else could i say? it's just a simple burdensome title. i am not one of the best players in class, neither one of the 'well done' group. i am just another black rose among the red roses. i always feel left out. so left out, so lonely. this world is just so cruel. play with the rules or play with the game? your choice, your call. do it or die. what's life all about actually? we were born, then live, grow older and get aged with the old sickness then lastly, die. dead.dead.dead. then again. the cycle will just repeat until blabla.. you know. i am tired of this games. i felt meaningless. lost interested in studies. okay lah whatever lah nonsense i know. (right uncle red? lol) i duno wth i am talking but seriously i feel so dumb aat this moment, why didnt i try harder? why? cause and effect. they are always together. wat were the causes ? i duno. stil havent figured it out yet.. woots. effect? kao sai la. celaka. i wan to &*(&$#%*(*&^%$#@@#$%^&*((*&^%$#$)(*&^%$!!! okay. i need a break. ok lah i duno wat i crapping. so moodless now. kao sai ness. yes crazy. sk the siau kia. =.= WATEVER! too much to do with so little time. kaosai.

yes.

yes. i feel dumb. and foolish to do those stuff. but what to do? i am still naive. as naive as last time. growing up? yeah. slow. maybe retarded. woots. watever. what's the point living in this world with no sense of direction? right? what's the point. so meaningless and lifelessly i been through all these days. i dont know what am i crapping but i do feel life's meaningless. and it's just another black and white script or sketch. rather than a colorful illusion. sad isn't it? whatever it is, life goes on, right? after all, you cant change things that had happened but you can somehow change your future. just wish i could just go through a simple life where there's nothing for me to think but that happens only in illusions, not reality. guess that's all. live to dream and dream to live. dream a dream .. >.< sigh. oh yea. yy. the hot topic of the day. woots. she was so awesome! haha. i didn't see that coming from her. funny, scary yet fun. ahhh. guess that's all. getting headache after -toots and toots - woots. nights cruel world , cruel reality. ;S