btw,

i miss you. =) it's been 5years already huh.

happy new year!

yes it's new year! woo! new year new hope! =D i hope to lose weight, like what everyone else wants and i want to get rid of those unwanted stuff on my face and back. =( anyway, i had a phone conversation with him for quite long, more than 30minutes ! when we were together, we don't even call each other. well.. i kinda miss him also, but i still feel he's not the one for me. =) might as well stay as friends then. =) don't fall to the hole again sk! =D anyway, i hope i hope i hope i could study more hardworking this year as well. and also, more determined on the things i have decided to do =) means dont give up easily lo! lol~ then then, i wanna do well for all my exams. it's important. but there's nothing that pushes me to do that. = = new year so, i must end my post with a =D so that i would smile and shine all year!

The impossible night!

Oh my god. It's ahem. I cannot imagine that happening in my life after so long.. =O really. After so long. By the way, tonight happened something that would happen in a thousand years. Lol. I went to drink with my mum and dad, and that was awesome. Impossible that this kind of things would happen in my life seriously, lol. Haha. But it's a good experience, after all. But i'm talking to the ahem now. Wow. Great. Haha. If ahem is happy, then I am. =)

sigh

bored. shit. outta. me. what the hell am i doing here? i'm a creep. = = i shouldn't be studying. i mean i should be but i shouldnt be as well. = =

This christmas?

None of you have any idea how miserable my life is. Even if he asks me to do a simple thing, to me, it's hard. Hard enough. Because just a simple mistake, he will just boom there. None of you have any idea how scary is he. I guess its because when I was younger and he was drunk, he gave me am impression that he's mad. I guess that's the only reason. I don't like talking to him. Really. I don't even know what he wants. Even if he laughs, I don't know is he really laughing or not. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That means fml. Totally suck. Ruin my whole christmas. This christmas sucks. Really. Miserably passed. God Damn it. I just hate this house. I want to leave this murd maybe for a period of time, its for the best. At least I could leave all those tears and sadness behind. How much I want to. Want but I can't. That's it. End of story. Just continue to live miserably then. Life's not fair. It never is, never was and never will. Merry fucking christmas. Christmas was supposed to be joyful but I ended up filled will misery, sadness and tears. That's it! Fuck everything!

#311

i don't know how am i going to study now. crap shit. fcuk it.

Lonely Christmas!

what the fcuk? i had the lonely christmas for the first time in my life! excluding the primary life.. =P this is the first! i hope it would be last! i want to celebrate it with my friends now, so badly, i din expect my bro's friends to leave that early! but they just did! shit! now i'm celebrating it alone! fcuk! i thought got people to celebrate with then okay d.. manatau they left! argh! then i don't get to go straits quay to meet with either hc or jm them.. damn it. i hate this christmas! =( i hope new year that time, this won't happen. all thanks to my bro. or not i would have accepted jm's offer to go straits quay .. she said she will fetch me as well! and it's not a good idea to ride a bike now. nonsense people doing shitty stuff. all the rempits. =S lonely lonely christmas.. merry merry christmas! =(

#308

i dont know. i really dont know anymore. i don't know am i right or wrong. i don't even know what am i doing. i wish i could sit at the balcony and talk to the moon, the stars, the clouds. =) at least, i could feel more relieve. no one knows me. no one knows what i want. nobody. i don;t know myself quite well either. i am really lost. =S i really want to. i think i know myself, it's just that i dont see anything that would cheer me up. and hey, about winning. i think i really enjoy winning. it gives me an indescribable satisfaction. maybe that's what i really really want which gives me a sense of fulfillment and achievement.. i'm so empty. i need someone to fill me. o.O and btw, tmr is christmas eve. =( this reminds me of him.. last year, i still remember vividly, we celebrated at hardrock, we went tot he beach and walked and talked.. and and, you almost got a summon! haha.. luckily we were there in time! =D but that's just another memory. and another him.. i remember hugging you warmly several years ago, and now? you are not the one i know . =( and i remember about her again. i could not get you off my head, really. you're just like a broken record that will just play in my mind... sigh. i remember few years ago, i wanted to overnight at your old house with a whole bunch of friends, but ended up, sitting pohlynn's bike go home.. with some one else helmet! dont know indian or what! =S sweat. but those were the days. i had so many christmas with so many people before. but none really that mesmerizing . really, none. there's not one that makes me feel me strong. i'm looking forward for one though. =) find me. come find me. =) i need you by my side. mr. right? =P

#306

wow wow wow! i am melting. first is anthony neely, and then you and you and you. ohmygod. *melted* seriously. you people are so adorable. just feel like pinching you people! argh!

#305

if you want it, you gotta work for it!

#304?

wow. magnificent! i got 39.5 for econs. and that's over 40! wow. incredible. and finals gonna start on 8th. i hope i could start studying now. i am becoming more and more afraid of losing. i dont know. it just makes me feel useless and such a loser. and it also denies my ability as a scholarship holder. actually deep down inside, i know i am not such a loser. but there's no spirit within that are coming out. =| where are you? my spirit to fight? spirit to win? i like winning. i really do.

#303

wow. today celebrated be-earlied christmas in college. not bad. our principal sang and all those performances. not bad though. anyway. i don't know what went wrong. may be i went with the wrong gang of people? as in, this is concert, everyone should be enjoying and listening or at least pay attention to the performances. i mean this is a little classical! but of course. please do respect others. i dont know what the fcuk am i talking now. something wrong. anyway, today, i ate supper alone. i mean really alone! i went to gurney drive and then two mini slots, so i left and i went to pulau tikus market. actually, being alone doesn't mean you are lonely, it's also shows that you are independent enough to go and eat out alone. but it also gives me time to think. and chillax. at least i can be myself and no one is there to interrupt me. till now, no one understands me. i really dont understand you people, i'm simple but none understands me. and to wew and sue. i tot i made my statements clear, but ended up you people just disappoint me. i am really disappointed.

#302

i need nobody anymore. to love or not, is not an issue anymore. this words might sound heavy but they are what's on my mind now. totally. i don't know what the fcuk is wrong with this world, but seriously, total crap. everything is just so happen to be the way that i don't like them in that way. it's awful. eh, i hate things this way. way out of control. and i think i am starting to not like her. i don't know but that's the truth. really? yeap. i am starting to. you know, i don't really want to put blames or responsibilities into another person, after all, it should be one. whatever. just fml.

#301

Again, I don't know I am being sensitive or over sensitive or sense things too well. Everything happened today went to the opposing side. You know what? It sucked. Totally. I just hate it when things goes this way. Well, things are not under my control. So, why bother since I could not change a single thing about it? But you know what? If I don't care, then that's not me. I ain't carefree. I am rather busy body.. The character of mine. Somehow it's good at times and bad at times. I care too much. And things I should care more, I didn't put in more effort. Damn. And talking about today. Everything totally knock me down. First the financial management thingy. Then now another msn thingy. I'm really tired of pretending. I am sick of not telling the truth. I think I should spend more time alone. At least it gives me space to think and breath. As well as taking a good look of what I have done today. The consequences. Is it good or bad? Learn from the mistakes huh?

#299

sigh. i'm really getting tired. so tired. tired of faking . sickening shit.

#297 ?

yeap yeap yeap. i'm getting so emotional lately, and short -tempered as well. =S is it because of the visit of once-a-month or is it because that i felt stress for tests ? or because i lived? or what? somehow i really gotten really really really short-tempered. i don't know why but i am interested to know.. o.O tests tests tests. i'm gonna get back up when you knock me down. baby are you down down down down down? yeah i am. thanks to the trauma last friday.. =S really terrible and shocking. worst paper ever. totally disappointed . sadness. <|3 i din expect it to be so bad. i will get back up. i will crawl up. i swear i will do better! i really want! but there's just no force to push me up. but seriously, the force should be myself =.= damn it. where's my soul? i needa find you! i need you badly.. =(

Quiz results~!

Which 7 Elements are You?
-You are passionate, and caring. You are easy to fall in love, and people tend to fall for you just the same. You are always warm to the touch. People feel safe in your arms, you have a temper, but you can get controls of it quickly. You are a fighter, and will stand up for your opinions. Your eyes are always full of passion and people tend to be drawn to them.

What Mythological Race are you?
- You are a human. Your ability to adapt to any situation is beyond approach. You are well balanced and if given time could surpass any other race in power, knowledge or skill. From the common farmer to the most powerful of bureaucrats mankind encompasses the best blend of all races, as well as the worst...

What would your Patronus be? (Harry Potter)
- Just like Hermione Granger, you have the Otter. Otters awaken curiosity. They remind us that everything is interesting if we look at it from the right angle. You allow events to unfold naturally in your life and are careful not to get hung up on the materialistic. You are a natural leader who keeps others in check, but you always find time to awaken your inner child.

What color is your Aura?
- Reds are physical and sexual. They love expressing themselves through their sensuality and their physical bodies. They live their lives in the here-and-now with zest, strength, courage and self-confidence. Reds love to live in physical reality, to manipulate their environment. Reality must be tangible to them. They must be able to see, touch, hear, taste and smell it. Reds are not abstract thinkers. A wall is a wall and there is no need for further discussion or speculation.

What power do you have within You?
- Destiny. You have will protect anyone that is close to you. You have a bunch of friends but only a few that understand you. People at first glance think you are a bad person but you are very good person.

Which Seven deadly sin are you?
- Your sin is Anger. You don't treat others fairly and tend to lose your temper. You can be disrespectful and immature at times.

How old is your spirit?
- Your spirit is ancient. You are solid and strong like a mighty old oak. You have wisdom beyond your years on this earth. Sometimes you seem almost prophetic. People come to you to gain knowledge from your wisdom. If you are young in years people might consider you boring because you prefer solitude to the loudness of this world. Its because your spirit is ancient and enjoys the peace.

What kind of guy will fall for you?
- The thoughtfully cute guy. The guy that when you get home from work will have made dinner because you had to work today, or brings you flowers on Wednesday just because he wanted to make the rest of the week better. He's the guy who when you wake up will be watching you sleep because you were just too beautiful to wake. This guy is a keeper keep him close and never let him go, you will be glad for him when your in labor and he looks at you all sweaty, makeup running while your cursing him and says look at her she so beautiful.

What career is right for you?
- Psychologist. You love to figure out why people do what they do. If someone needs help, you like to get to the root of the problem and help them discover a way to fix it. You see things in a different way than most people. The brain interests you and you like learning new things on a daily basis. You like things to be in a certain order and you're very organized. You're good with people and love meeting new ones.

What movie is the story of your life?
- Harry Potter. On the outside, people may see you as self-assured, confident and perhaps a little arrogant. However, if they manage to get past your tough exterior, they'll find that you are passionate and loyal. You have a strong personality that makes you driven to achieve the things you want. People admire your strength to survive and cope during tough times.

How mentally unstable are You?
- Homicidal Sociopath. You are either REALLY pissed off, or your crazy enough to shoot up a day care and not feel any remorse whatsoever.

What age do you act?
- Act like 22years old. You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up. The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Kind Of wife are you?
- you are destined to be a good wife. The all American wife waiting at home getting dinner ready for when the hubby gets home from work. With two or three kids!!!

#296

interesting day today. got two conflicting moments. -.- i don't know was i sensitive or rather, it's really hurtful to hear that. totally broke me down k. fcuked up shit. argh. you know. if it happened accidentally, then it's a destiny. we aren't that ngam after all. whatever it is. after doing so much quiz, i felt better. and i am tired now. so now i'm gonna post all the results as a record for future uses :P well, i like to keep stuff! =|

#295

there's a lot for me to write actually. but i just don't know where to start.. i wanna write a letter to my grandma.. she's in heaven now.. =) i wanna write a letter to all my classmates.. you know the times we had is short, may not be long, but to me they are mesmerizing. =O i do not know is that the truth. but i bet i will definitely miss them! where will i go next? work? study? advanced? degree? will i survive? what am i gonna do? time is short, life is short. everything is short. btw, back to few moments ago, i looked at his recent pictures, he gotten fatter. and more matured, i guess? i think after looking at the pictures, i won't miss him anymore. i think i know why. guess, that's me. afterall~