26/6/2010

seems like i've had a minute of conscious and an hour of improvement to myself? i dont know whether it's just me feeling so, but i do feel there's some difference in me. o.O am i being sensitive? heh? might be. XD but i do hope so. hmmm. ops's test has passed. and i felt that i did badly. like seriously. maybe it's just being me. i still remember that time i cried for my test. accounts back in form4. i never ever cried over tests before. i might be one that can study but i just dont really like studying. o.O hmmm. i really don't.. if anyone sees my trophies and compare with the certs i have, i am pretty sure that the person also feels that i prefer doing sports rather than studying because i do! at least, you dont have 2 use your brain in sports, at least not so much! nonsense. now i must study ok. sk wake up liao. week7 dy! wooo. but still feels like honeymoon. LOL. still fooling around and doing craps around. woolala. that's gonna kill me. basic tax is on monday. yes monday. and i had a hell of taxes in my head =.= crappy. oh, i found a book with a few poems in there. i mean like several. interesting, i don't know who was the writer, but i'm gonna post it up here soon. when i am alone in the house, at least some peace! weee. and mvs, yes, i know i was silly about it. but it really gives me a sense of contentment. lol. yes. i'm insane =P wait till you see this, i'm sure u gonna scold me @.@ ... and, sh the sohai LOL. joking. wee. thanks for everything, thanks for understanding, thanks for listening, thanks for everything. but i still feel there's a difference in between now. weee* let's just get together and mend it over soon. XD weeeeeee* TAX, HERE I COME!

lol!

first time i din clear my mails.. i'm so used to clearing stuffs. fb requests, mails and so on. lol. i left it from 28/5/2010 to today, i got 2002 mails. lol. not much i guess. haha. clearing stuffs.. reminds me of friendster.. i should log in like now. LOL! and i am having a hard time clearing the mails LOL! i feel dope as well =.= ah random posts. i feel so random nowadays. woots! 22days. avg is about less than 100 mails per day. lol nonsense la. lalalaala~

fifa fifa.. lol

lol. so random. suddenly chatting with this monkey reminds me of the class where we just knew each other. o.O suddenly i think back the past. much has changed. o.O whatever. germany, portugal and spain and france ?? upset er? although i dont fancy football much but this is *undescribable* seriously. how could they lost ! argh! random thoughts in my mind now. *if you're unhappy with your life, then you will not happy. *if you complain about your life, you will be unhappy as well. lol. *stop complaining eh? hardly. woots. random random random. soooooo random! i'm happy if they are happy. but well, i'm fake if you are. =) btw, ENGLAND PLEASEEEEEE WINNNNNNNNNNN nicely!

o.o

woots. suddenly at this very moment, i felt i'm just another faker. so fake, so fake ... O.O i dont know if i'm real again, but feelings tells me, i'm not. and now listening to rihanna's russian roulette, even emo. and just now as i was riding my bike under the drizzling rain, i was trembling and shaking. it's really really really cold out there. and i dont want this feeling ever again. o.O and i dont want to have this cold and lonely feelings ever again. fake-nya-aku.. o.o.... at the same time, i feel so disappointed about something. but i'm not really sure about it. God please do guide me. lighten my path. =)

i wonder

i wonder will the sun shine tomorrow.. o.O not the sun that everyone can see. this is one invisible sun. lol. upset! woo.. suddenly i felt that i missed the moments in cpt more and more. o.O

perfect sad quote for now. lol.

i was google-ing something just now, and i show the suggestion "sad quotes" lol. out of curiosity, i clicked. and i went for the first link. so, i found this : Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels.. and this is so perfect that i could not use any other words to describe my feelings now but this quotes says everything i wanted to say. =) such a coincidence. as for today. nothing much happened, except for the fact i had some hard time hiding my hand off from public. :S and today i ate durian for once after like 5 years? i am not sure how long i have quit eating durian. lol. it's been a while. and i wont eat again. phobia-tic now. LOL and now i continue to search for quotes, and i found a few quite meaningful to me.
- The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
- Behind my smile, there are something you'll never understand.
- Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
- Life isn’t fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all
- Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
- A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants
- Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad

thats about all. lol. uhm. what else to say? i don't know what's wrong. but this just came to me just like that. what else could i say ? o.O oh yesh yesh. maybe there is a reason. i care everything around me too much. i often put others' advantages above me and mine beneath them. is that so? maybe not. i'm not so good afterall .just another pain in the ass. hah! yesh yesh . i am unholy. i have a feeling that i have changed into another person with a glance of an eye. do you agree? i think i must agree. but i dont know i just couldnt forget everything. somehow there's something bothering me. maybe it's for the best. ou. really? perhaps yes. i still thinking about the incident in Berjaya Hotel back in form2. i still couldnt get over it. i really regretted i did not just jumped off the window. maybe if i did, i wouldnt have so much dark memories in my life. there's nothing to be happy about it. NOTHING. i dont fcuking feel anything in life. fml! *failure* wtf? i'm shaking in my room. so cold so cold. even i offed the air con. does this means when you're down or sad, you will feel so cold? even you offed the fan and air con? so true. o.O

woots!

woots. after looking at xueping's post. i laughed by myself. lol. thanks. how to put this into words? let's see. i am happy to be with my friends. i can create craps n jokes with them . seriously, doesnt matter. and i dont mind, *cho paiseh* lol! because that's what friends about. with qq, although really embarrassing but i really did enjoy =) ahhh. if i dont joke with my friends, then i think i will just go insane? like in a blink of an eye! so tied up here. guess i better stop talking bout that. tears dont stop easily. and with the emo songs on, for sure i'm dead. :S when i'm not in the house, i feel that i'm alive. i mean real live. so free. at least i dont feel so frust. =/ why did i feel this way? i dont even know why . i dont even know myself anymore. i dont know. i really dont know. i just want the people around me to be happy. especially my friends. as there is no other people that i feel i should make them happy of. that's what i feel now. ok la. better stop crapping here. nights, cruel world ! =)

dear sk.

i realised you have alot of nonsense posts recently, sk. yes indeed. argh. sk oh sk. don't give up. if you want it. then you'll have 2 fight for it. chances come and go. and opportunities don't just fall from the sky. if you want it, go get it. it's the time to wake up. not to fool around anymore. it's different already. things have changed. you must grow with the situations! where's the spirit? *ehh.. spirits all gone -.-* where to find er? o.O upsetting enough to hear that the spirits are all gone now. sigh. ahh.. sk, don't dream anymore! make it happen! but how? wake me up inside? and save me? just like evanesence ? lol!

hmmm.

where do you go to when you are totally upset? who do you go to when you are not in the mood? what do you do? how do you do? o.O where? er. no where? who? nobody? what? nothing? how? sucks! who else could understand me? ahh. so unhappy staying here. that's the reason i choose to go out. at least, i could be myself. making the people around me happy. for once i feel that i'm free. but i dont really know what i do is right or wrong, but somehow i am kinda happy with it. other people who dont understand me, will say i'm silly. but who truly understands me? and to another person out there, yes. i do also complain about life. nobody is born in such a way that is so perfect and flawless. i do complain but i dont do it publicly. i m not like you. =)

o.O

i dont know i just have this feeling. it's not the same anymore. it's not like the one i once knew. it's so different. sigh. either i had changed, or the people in it has changed. i dont know. wouldnt make a guess as well. or rather, people grow old as thing changes as well. sigh. now it's just a place for a fw main purposes. sleep. eat. bath. that's all? where's the intimacy and the warmness? all gone? i dont know whether it's me who had changed and i dont feel anything about it. not even a thing. it's just sad. sigh. this is also the main reason i choose to leave. i couldnt take it anymore. and now, i would like to thank all my dear classmates and friends more making it alive once again. ahhh. and and. CONGRATULATIONS to my dearest brother and sister in law =) i dont know what else to say. my emotions is so mixed up. o.O so confused. someone please come and lighten my road! o.O! so tiring and restless!

yes!

there's one more i would like to say. the selfish one. mind your actions. think of the consequences. dont be selfish. remember there's not just you in there.

2 more days!

2 more days to bro's wedding *excited* xD

interesting.

today, i just realised that you are more interesting as days passed by. so fascinating. fantastic. bombastic and plastic =.= you know what? i never thought that you are such a person. where, u make my blood pressure increase and at the same time, you tickle my blood pressure. i dont know if you were a fire starter or rather a entertainer. you are really really really interesting. i would like to see more of it. and. btw. this is not some kind of joke or i am teasing you. no offense alright? but if that's your passion then it's my patience to see your next piece of masterpiece. lol. nonsense and crap ness. i dont even know why would i post a post about you. but you really caught my attention. oh oh oh ! and her the 18-3 lady. LOL! who would know whose 18-3.. haha. i seriously feel that you have to be said straightforwardly. this is much better for you and me. it's not that i hate you. it's about you are so annoying that you irritated me. not to mention others (if there is?) lol. i am not sure about others but this is my opinion. they might disagree? they might agree? i dont know. and i dont care. who cares right? oops. and now the things happened this way is not because i went and instigate others, but others have their own eyes and ears to see what you have done! the problem MIGHT be at my place, but? maybe just like 1%? the rest is at your place. not mine . hate me like the way u adore, perhaps i will feel better. =) and get a life.