btw,

i miss you. =) it's been 5years already huh.

happy new year!

yes it's new year! woo! new year new hope! =D i hope to lose weight, like what everyone else wants and i want to get rid of those unwanted stuff on my face and back. =( anyway, i had a phone conversation with him for quite long, more than 30minutes ! when we were together, we don't even call each other. well.. i kinda miss him also, but i still feel he's not the one for me. =) might as well stay as friends then. =) don't fall to the hole again sk! =D anyway, i hope i hope i hope i could study more hardworking this year as well. and also, more determined on the things i have decided to do =) means dont give up easily lo! lol~ then then, i wanna do well for all my exams. it's important. but there's nothing that pushes me to do that. = = new year so, i must end my post with a =D so that i would smile and shine all year!

The impossible night!

Oh my god. It's ahem. I cannot imagine that happening in my life after so long.. =O really. After so long. By the way, tonight happened something that would happen in a thousand years. Lol. I went to drink with my mum and dad, and that was awesome. Impossible that this kind of things would happen in my life seriously, lol. Haha. But it's a good experience, after all. But i'm talking to the ahem now. Wow. Great. Haha. If ahem is happy, then I am. =)

sigh

bored. shit. outta. me. what the hell am i doing here? i'm a creep. = = i shouldn't be studying. i mean i should be but i shouldnt be as well. = =

This christmas?

None of you have any idea how miserable my life is. Even if he asks me to do a simple thing, to me, it's hard. Hard enough. Because just a simple mistake, he will just boom there. None of you have any idea how scary is he. I guess its because when I was younger and he was drunk, he gave me am impression that he's mad. I guess that's the only reason. I don't like talking to him. Really. I don't even know what he wants. Even if he laughs, I don't know is he really laughing or not. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That means fml. Totally suck. Ruin my whole christmas. This christmas sucks. Really. Miserably passed. God Damn it. I just hate this house. I want to leave this murd maybe for a period of time, its for the best. At least I could leave all those tears and sadness behind. How much I want to. Want but I can't. That's it. End of story. Just continue to live miserably then. Life's not fair. It never is, never was and never will. Merry fucking christmas. Christmas was supposed to be joyful but I ended up filled will misery, sadness and tears. That's it! Fuck everything!

#311

i don't know how am i going to study now. crap shit. fcuk it.

Lonely Christmas!

what the fcuk? i had the lonely christmas for the first time in my life! excluding the primary life.. =P this is the first! i hope it would be last! i want to celebrate it with my friends now, so badly, i din expect my bro's friends to leave that early! but they just did! shit! now i'm celebrating it alone! fcuk! i thought got people to celebrate with then okay d.. manatau they left! argh! then i don't get to go straits quay to meet with either hc or jm them.. damn it. i hate this christmas! =( i hope new year that time, this won't happen. all thanks to my bro. or not i would have accepted jm's offer to go straits quay .. she said she will fetch me as well! and it's not a good idea to ride a bike now. nonsense people doing shitty stuff. all the rempits. =S lonely lonely christmas.. merry merry christmas! =(

#308

i dont know. i really dont know anymore. i don't know am i right or wrong. i don't even know what am i doing. i wish i could sit at the balcony and talk to the moon, the stars, the clouds. =) at least, i could feel more relieve. no one knows me. no one knows what i want. nobody. i don;t know myself quite well either. i am really lost. =S i really want to. i think i know myself, it's just that i dont see anything that would cheer me up. and hey, about winning. i think i really enjoy winning. it gives me an indescribable satisfaction. maybe that's what i really really want which gives me a sense of fulfillment and achievement.. i'm so empty. i need someone to fill me. o.O and btw, tmr is christmas eve. =( this reminds me of him.. last year, i still remember vividly, we celebrated at hardrock, we went tot he beach and walked and talked.. and and, you almost got a summon! haha.. luckily we were there in time! =D but that's just another memory. and another him.. i remember hugging you warmly several years ago, and now? you are not the one i know . =( and i remember about her again. i could not get you off my head, really. you're just like a broken record that will just play in my mind... sigh. i remember few years ago, i wanted to overnight at your old house with a whole bunch of friends, but ended up, sitting pohlynn's bike go home.. with some one else helmet! dont know indian or what! =S sweat. but those were the days. i had so many christmas with so many people before. but none really that mesmerizing . really, none. there's not one that makes me feel me strong. i'm looking forward for one though. =) find me. come find me. =) i need you by my side. mr. right? =P

#306

wow wow wow! i am melting. first is anthony neely, and then you and you and you. ohmygod. *melted* seriously. you people are so adorable. just feel like pinching you people! argh!

#305

if you want it, you gotta work for it!

#304?

wow. magnificent! i got 39.5 for econs. and that's over 40! wow. incredible. and finals gonna start on 8th. i hope i could start studying now. i am becoming more and more afraid of losing. i dont know. it just makes me feel useless and such a loser. and it also denies my ability as a scholarship holder. actually deep down inside, i know i am not such a loser. but there's no spirit within that are coming out. =| where are you? my spirit to fight? spirit to win? i like winning. i really do.

#303

wow. today celebrated be-earlied christmas in college. not bad. our principal sang and all those performances. not bad though. anyway. i don't know what went wrong. may be i went with the wrong gang of people? as in, this is concert, everyone should be enjoying and listening or at least pay attention to the performances. i mean this is a little classical! but of course. please do respect others. i dont know what the fcuk am i talking now. something wrong. anyway, today, i ate supper alone. i mean really alone! i went to gurney drive and then two mini slots, so i left and i went to pulau tikus market. actually, being alone doesn't mean you are lonely, it's also shows that you are independent enough to go and eat out alone. but it also gives me time to think. and chillax. at least i can be myself and no one is there to interrupt me. till now, no one understands me. i really dont understand you people, i'm simple but none understands me. and to wew and sue. i tot i made my statements clear, but ended up you people just disappoint me. i am really disappointed.

#302

i need nobody anymore. to love or not, is not an issue anymore. this words might sound heavy but they are what's on my mind now. totally. i don't know what the fcuk is wrong with this world, but seriously, total crap. everything is just so happen to be the way that i don't like them in that way. it's awful. eh, i hate things this way. way out of control. and i think i am starting to not like her. i don't know but that's the truth. really? yeap. i am starting to. you know, i don't really want to put blames or responsibilities into another person, after all, it should be one. whatever. just fml.

#301

Again, I don't know I am being sensitive or over sensitive or sense things too well. Everything happened today went to the opposing side. You know what? It sucked. Totally. I just hate it when things goes this way. Well, things are not under my control. So, why bother since I could not change a single thing about it? But you know what? If I don't care, then that's not me. I ain't carefree. I am rather busy body.. The character of mine. Somehow it's good at times and bad at times. I care too much. And things I should care more, I didn't put in more effort. Damn. And talking about today. Everything totally knock me down. First the financial management thingy. Then now another msn thingy. I'm really tired of pretending. I am sick of not telling the truth. I think I should spend more time alone. At least it gives me space to think and breath. As well as taking a good look of what I have done today. The consequences. Is it good or bad? Learn from the mistakes huh?

#299

sigh. i'm really getting tired. so tired. tired of faking . sickening shit.

#297 ?

yeap yeap yeap. i'm getting so emotional lately, and short -tempered as well. =S is it because of the visit of once-a-month or is it because that i felt stress for tests ? or because i lived? or what? somehow i really gotten really really really short-tempered. i don't know why but i am interested to know.. o.O tests tests tests. i'm gonna get back up when you knock me down. baby are you down down down down down? yeah i am. thanks to the trauma last friday.. =S really terrible and shocking. worst paper ever. totally disappointed . sadness. <|3 i din expect it to be so bad. i will get back up. i will crawl up. i swear i will do better! i really want! but there's just no force to push me up. but seriously, the force should be myself =.= damn it. where's my soul? i needa find you! i need you badly.. =(

Quiz results~!

Which 7 Elements are You?
-You are passionate, and caring. You are easy to fall in love, and people tend to fall for you just the same. You are always warm to the touch. People feel safe in your arms, you have a temper, but you can get controls of it quickly. You are a fighter, and will stand up for your opinions. Your eyes are always full of passion and people tend to be drawn to them.

What Mythological Race are you?
- You are a human. Your ability to adapt to any situation is beyond approach. You are well balanced and if given time could surpass any other race in power, knowledge or skill. From the common farmer to the most powerful of bureaucrats mankind encompasses the best blend of all races, as well as the worst...

What would your Patronus be? (Harry Potter)
- Just like Hermione Granger, you have the Otter. Otters awaken curiosity. They remind us that everything is interesting if we look at it from the right angle. You allow events to unfold naturally in your life and are careful not to get hung up on the materialistic. You are a natural leader who keeps others in check, but you always find time to awaken your inner child.

What color is your Aura?
- Reds are physical and sexual. They love expressing themselves through their sensuality and their physical bodies. They live their lives in the here-and-now with zest, strength, courage and self-confidence. Reds love to live in physical reality, to manipulate their environment. Reality must be tangible to them. They must be able to see, touch, hear, taste and smell it. Reds are not abstract thinkers. A wall is a wall and there is no need for further discussion or speculation.

What power do you have within You?
- Destiny. You have will protect anyone that is close to you. You have a bunch of friends but only a few that understand you. People at first glance think you are a bad person but you are very good person.

Which Seven deadly sin are you?
- Your sin is Anger. You don't treat others fairly and tend to lose your temper. You can be disrespectful and immature at times.

How old is your spirit?
- Your spirit is ancient. You are solid and strong like a mighty old oak. You have wisdom beyond your years on this earth. Sometimes you seem almost prophetic. People come to you to gain knowledge from your wisdom. If you are young in years people might consider you boring because you prefer solitude to the loudness of this world. Its because your spirit is ancient and enjoys the peace.

What kind of guy will fall for you?
- The thoughtfully cute guy. The guy that when you get home from work will have made dinner because you had to work today, or brings you flowers on Wednesday just because he wanted to make the rest of the week better. He's the guy who when you wake up will be watching you sleep because you were just too beautiful to wake. This guy is a keeper keep him close and never let him go, you will be glad for him when your in labor and he looks at you all sweaty, makeup running while your cursing him and says look at her she so beautiful.

What career is right for you?
- Psychologist. You love to figure out why people do what they do. If someone needs help, you like to get to the root of the problem and help them discover a way to fix it. You see things in a different way than most people. The brain interests you and you like learning new things on a daily basis. You like things to be in a certain order and you're very organized. You're good with people and love meeting new ones.

What movie is the story of your life?
- Harry Potter. On the outside, people may see you as self-assured, confident and perhaps a little arrogant. However, if they manage to get past your tough exterior, they'll find that you are passionate and loyal. You have a strong personality that makes you driven to achieve the things you want. People admire your strength to survive and cope during tough times.

How mentally unstable are You?
- Homicidal Sociopath. You are either REALLY pissed off, or your crazy enough to shoot up a day care and not feel any remorse whatsoever.

What age do you act?
- Act like 22years old. You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up. The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Kind Of wife are you?
- you are destined to be a good wife. The all American wife waiting at home getting dinner ready for when the hubby gets home from work. With two or three kids!!!

#296

interesting day today. got two conflicting moments. -.- i don't know was i sensitive or rather, it's really hurtful to hear that. totally broke me down k. fcuked up shit. argh. you know. if it happened accidentally, then it's a destiny. we aren't that ngam after all. whatever it is. after doing so much quiz, i felt better. and i am tired now. so now i'm gonna post all the results as a record for future uses :P well, i like to keep stuff! =|

#295

there's a lot for me to write actually. but i just don't know where to start.. i wanna write a letter to my grandma.. she's in heaven now.. =) i wanna write a letter to all my classmates.. you know the times we had is short, may not be long, but to me they are mesmerizing. =O i do not know is that the truth. but i bet i will definitely miss them! where will i go next? work? study? advanced? degree? will i survive? what am i gonna do? time is short, life is short. everything is short. btw, back to few moments ago, i looked at his recent pictures, he gotten fatter. and more matured, i guess? i think after looking at the pictures, i won't miss him anymore. i think i know why. guess, that's me. afterall~

#294

currently, i dont know where i am but i know i'm lost. i find there's nothing to do in life anymore. i mean, there's no motivation, no source of support. felt so lost. nothing makes me happy either. =|

#293

a song titled : Sorry That I Loved You.


Verse 1
For all of the times that I tried for your smile
For making you think that I was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine

Verse 2
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind

Chorus
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

Verse 3
And I’m so sorry for…
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by

Verse 4
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love, for wasting your time

Chorus
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

Bridge:
An apology now after all of this time
Won’t make any difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life

Yeahhhh~~~~

Chorus~

#292

Sometimes I would rather be home alone. At least, no one will disturb me or interrupt me. I will have peace. No nagging, no noise. Just silence. It's good to have silence now. I just don't want to talk to you people. I just want to be alone. And for a friend of mine, I hope you are not saying about me. I want to live alone and die alone. I would rather have no 1 with me. It's better of this way. Things are smoother and livelier.. I wonder when I die, will I be buried six feet under the ground or burnt into ashes and kept in an urn or burnt into ashes and thrown into the sea.. And I do wonder how will I die.. Will I die because of old age? Accident? Disease? Murder? Poisoned? Hahaha.. Seems like I have watched a lot of movies hah.. Hahaha.. Well, it's raining out there now.. And there are lightning and thunders.. So loud and terrifying. I am sacred. But, I am pissed at this moment. Yeah. I am.

Some shitty awesomeness ..

I had diarrhoe since morning. Now i'm half dead. 1smth then 3smth then 6. I am a goner. Sigh. I could barely feel my legs.. T.T

A letter to my dear friends?

Hey.. It's been a while since our last gathering.. How are you people? You know, back to those days, we went out and do lots of crazy stuff together.. We laugh together, we cry together, we did crazy stuff together and we even did silly stuff together, but hey, those days were gone.. And they will not be back again.. But look at us now, all grown up and separated, where's the strong bond between us? Stuff like we smoked together, played truth or dare , Ermm stuff like having dinner together, and as well as, having a bike ronda tour together and got lost in somewhere.. Those days. We were all so young and happy.. So wild. Now? They are all gone! How sad! I've always put you guys in priority and what do I get in the end? This kind of treatment? Am I the bad egg or am I really that worthless? Sometimes I do wonder what did I did wrong. One mistake doesn't mean I will make the same mistake for the rest of my life! Those days were gone.. All by myself now.. I may have made new friends but hey,they are not like you guys.. Not because we met in difference place, because of the time we spent together, the memories we had. Those stuff we did together. But me course, hanging out with any of you guys makes me happy. But still, nothing is permanent. They will leave me. And i'm back to all alone. Furthermore, they are not penangist.. I can't see then so often .. I just you know.. I just wanna spend more time together. There's no point when I plan stuff and nobody goes. It's pointless.. So heartless your people could be..

#289

Those days were gone.. How sweet were those days .. I miss laughing together with all of you, but unfortunately, there's no more memories of you people.. Things have changed, and so do people.. I couldn't comment on that, nor blame anything or anyone for it.. This is life, what could you do? Everything is prearranged by the God.. The almighty.. =) just accept the fact and live with it.. There's nothing else that could be done .. =) leave the past! You know, there's so much I wanted to know, but to get myself trouble-free, I should not know too much. Better off that way.. Nights!

#288

You know, I don't really like things going this way, it makes everything go rough! Give me a break will you? I just want to chill and regain my conscious and my rational thinking again! That's all I ask for.. Cry in silence.. Cry but you have to swallow every single drop of your tears just to hide your sadness.. Just put on that mask and live on! I surrender! Put the white flag! I really do give up. There's nothing else I could do.. I give up.. I really do. I wanna scream so much. I don't know what's wrong with me! But I will go for a jog tomorrow. Maybe get some sweat off my body.. Sigh. I'm better off alone. Lone lone! I just wanna be alone! I rather speak to Lucky.. At least she won't break my heart.. She wouldn't even answer me. At least, i'm better off that way.. Sigh.. I want to lay down on a beach and just hear the waves and feel the wind blowing so slowly, so slowly.. As if the time stopped.. I just wanna do that.. Fulfill me? Please? I'm blinded with dark clouds now.. I'm. . Really.. Blinded.. There's nothing I could do anymore.. I'm so tired and restless.. Give me a break....!

Roars!

Heart's broken into pieces.. I don't know why. I don't even know was I jealous or was I felt the unfair-ness.. But life's really unfair right? Today I went to fort cornwallis.. It's not a really bad experience though. A lot me people there.. Somehow I think I might go there again.. At least, I don't have to travel all the way up to batu feringgi or tanjung bungah just to let myself relax and chill for a while. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just don't like things this way. I never do. Mister or miss who-would-understand-me... Where are you? Sigh. There's so much to say but there's no one to go to .. Sad isn't it? Terrifying. Terrific. Fantastic. Lalala.. Listening to I surrender now.. I really want to say I surrender. I just want to leave this life so quickly.. So stealthily.. I don't know when will I break down.. I don't know and I don't wanna know.. Tired and restless and hopeless. Lifeless. Filled with sadness. Worst of all, the people I love for so long, we'll never be together.. I could only see you every once in a while.. Talk to you so slowly.. But I really could not touch you.. Because I do not know what will I do to you.. Hahaha! I night lose control.. Haha.. I pray for you to be happy and healthy all the time then.. Hope things will get better.. =) miss you much.. Take care! Thinking of you really did ease my pain.. At least it stopped me from thinking me those sad stuff.. Lalala.. I want a break! Roars! The roaring goat is currently soaked in boredom and sadness.. I need someone to distract me.. I need something to distract me.. Someone to guide me and someone to hear me!

#285 *actual one*

everyone has a dream. do i have one?

#285

I'm not really good in expressing certain things to certain people. I don't know who I could trust anyone anymore. I don't know if I would find someone to understand me.. Whatever! What I really want to say is, Imissyou.. So badly. T.T my tears just don't want to hold back and drop by themselves. Sadness conquered every part of me.. My soul, my body .. My mind. Sorrowners took away all my true happiness.. Sad is all can say. Gambling may give me happiness actually. Perhaps. I hope.. At least there's something for me to hope. But not live for. =|

#283

Well, i'm stuck in hard rock now.. Alone. But I feel fine, other than I need to go to the toilet. Dang. I wanna peeee! I've so much in my mind, but actually that's a lie. It's empty actually. Haha! Nothing much to think of la.. Haha.. Lalalala.. Leave it!

#282

Sometimes I really don't understand things. Even myself. I've gotten so impatient, tensed for nothing! Damn it! I really have everything now. Seriously. I want to leave this sick life. Just suck. There's no one I could go to. Worst of all.. Everyone has their own problems right? Sigh. Whatever. I just wanna leave this life so quickly.. And quietly. I don't know how much I could take anymore. And I see you no up! I really.. See you no up! Ugh. I hate this. I would have another car he you din do that at earlier. Well. I don't know what else to say. Till today, i'm still stuck with that addiction. I really hope one day, I would get rid of it. . =( but by doing that, it gives me hope! Nobody understands! Kao lat! Walao! Sadness. I just want to lean on someone's shoulder so comfortably to see the sun coming up or going down.. Stay under the rain together and get wet.. Hug each other tightly.. And smile when we're staring in each other's eyes.. Laugh when we did silly stuff.. Who would be there for me other than you? Who would change me other than you? Where are you, mr. Unknown ? When will you appear in my life? Waiting for you.. I'm waiting for you..

#281

today is the second day that my "auntie" visited me =.= crap la. pek chek like mad. macibai.

#280

Saturday and sunday.. I missed the numbers. Cost me two k. And, my capital, hundred over. Crap. I'm so gonna eat shit. Perhaps I should take a break. Relax. And smile! Yesterday I was totally broken. Till I can't sleep. I slept at eleven or twelve something. I don't know. But should be around that time. And I wolf up at four something. Incredible. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't stand the heartache. T.T of course, there's on guarantee of winning, but it was me who did not buy it even I was there already. Crappy me. T.T nothing to be sad of. There's nothing else I could say or do! So speechless! I should just forget it and move on! Yes! Law test is just in another ten plus hours but I have no mood to study at all! I've lost my interest and my life goals! I am a nobody! Sadness! Someone please, lighten my path! So lost!

#279

i'm gonna fail my business econ so badly =( and nobody knows it but me. you know, i feel so small when i speak with them back then. and i felt so dumb. =( so small and weak! where i don't even understand a single thing that i read! damn! how am i going to survive for the upcoming year? i don;t wanna lose my scholarship. i want to save the $$$! a lot of money! =D work it out! sk! it's time to wake up! stop loitering you extra time!!!!! and they are in redbox now. i'm still here. don't know lar. i felt better this way. at least, i saved my money! wooo! then then then! just now i took a walk in gurney drive. about 15minutes. and two of the aunties were surprised i was speaking mandarin =.= dope . this is malaysia! not indian! wth. =.= then in subway! omg! the foreigners ordered two! two! footlong of sandwiches each! =O surprisingly. well. i'm still interested! =D

#278

you know what? i want to be heard. i want to hear. i want to voice out everything. say everything. but who should i go to? no one. the person i trust most, doesn't understand me. the people i can tell, also don't understand me, or maybe will also say, you're silly. crap lar. yes. i am. i am silly but at least i feel better this way. at least, i don't have 2 guess what is the opposing party thinking about what i have just said. and i don't like one way communication. i don't like to be just the one talking. i like more opposing parties and so on. this generates ideas as well as distracts a lot of things. NONE OF YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ME! this is the reason i kept my blog private! NONE! bloody fools!

#277

interesting. o.O i want to know more. i'm interested. you know. things gets more interesting as days come by. o.O i really want to. oh well. oh well. lalala. i don;t know what else to say. there's so much in my mind. alright. give it a break. ignore you people then. =)

#276

if there's no loyalty, then please show some honesty, and if there's no honesty? please just show some sympathy! no! i don't need any sympathy! nothing! i need nothing from you! honestly to say, i don't know what the hell is going on with you all. everyone of you! every single one of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!

#275

today, it was actually a sunny day, then it became cloudy. we wanted to watch the sunset. especially sy. but too bad, so sad, the weather didn't allow us to do that. hmmm.whether it's fate or it's destiny i dont know. and i don't care either. i really don't want to sit her car there. i don't know why. i have a sense there. and i don't like the feeling though. =S things get more complicated now. guess i should just concentrate more about my studies. they are indeed more important. that's a unchangeable fact! well. i don't know am i too sensitive or rather, i'm feeling the changes. i feel things. i felt*. seriously. and now, i'm lost. i don't know where should i go or what should i do anymore. people just confuse me. i've lost the ability to see things in a simpler way and analyze things easily. i have the ability. i know. it's with me. there's so much i should do now, but there's not even a single force that forces me to do any of them! what's the problem with me? =( i'm getting tired and sick of this unsure, unease or rather unstable emotions or acts or whichever. but whatever it is, i want or i Neeed someone to open me up. open my mind up. open up my heart. i might need a shoulder anytime. i need someone who really feel or think like how i think or feel. who know what i meant before i even finish what i wanted to say. my path is just like the dark grey, cloudy skies now. so slow, so greyish, so hopeless. i couldn't say anything else other that a simple "sigh" but we should not say sigh. it brings bad luck. =S hope it doesn't =) sk oh sk. just. let. things. be. at. their. way. =) oh yeah. i have a feeling that we should just stick to the people who are close to your personalities. :O ooh and and i remember this! the meaningful quote. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

#274

I really have to say sigh.. But I hate saying that. It's bad. But hey, there's nothing else I could say or do more. Life's just get tougher right? There's on choice. I'm left with on choice. Totally. Ugh. I don't really know the reason that caused me so down, but, I am. Down. Baby are you down down down.. Dang. I'm so into looking forward for her next post. Interesting indeed. I know, you are down and blahh.. Deep inside. You just don't wanna admit it right? Stop acting tough. You are NOT! Not at all. I see those weakness in your eyes. Those fears you held deep inside and those questions you someone to answer. You know what? When you breakdown, I really could not imagine. Seriously, I do feel youngsters' driving skill nowadays have problem. They just think driving is so easy. Yeah. So not easy. Just let go the hand brake and step the pedal? Not so alright. Think me the consequences. Please think of the people around you, your family, your friends, or even the strangers who may have become your victim or may become your victim. Isn't awful, terrifying and people do tremble hearing that. Seriously. Treasure the people around you, treasure what you have before you lost it. Think twice on what you did. One for the reason and one for the consequences. Love your life, before you lose it. You will never know..

wtf?

wtf? wtf? wtf? os drove her car into the drain. who's responsible for it? i think everyone has the responsibility. no one told her. i did not realise about the drain there. and what the fcuK? she landed in the hole. shit la. come on. it's not all my fault, i'm just a part of it. right? yeah i think. i hope. wat the fark la. really mencibaikan. fuck wei. i really fucken fed up now. no one believes me. no one understands me. fuck wei. FUCK THE GOD DAMN WORLD. leave me ALONE! MAHAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i will be longing for her blog post. i want to see what's her response. =.= dangg

#272

Today was just another usual day. Wasted money on buying the numbers, again.. Damn. But never mind. Worst was, the wedding dinner. Oh god, but the happy thing today was also about the wedding dinner. I realised when my bro's wedding , we did not dance. Oh, what a waste right? Sigh. But never mind. There's still chances. Wait till i've fully transform myself to someone else. I don't really like the me now. Don't know why. But we should accept who we are right? I just can't .. Seeing the imperfections kids within me, makes me feel smaller, weaker, perhaps a little helpless. I don't know. I want people around me to be happy, without bothering my own safety or happiness.. Crap , I have this in my mind now.. ' I just wanna hold you closely, hug you tightly, kiss you lightly, and tell you, hit me, gently. Oh my god. That's so ughhhhhh.. Haha.. Whatever. Suddenly , I miss looking at the sunrise and sunset.. =( I miss lying in your arms.. Who would know what I want right? Blahh.. When the time comes, you can never run!

31-10-2010

over. dead. dead or alive. life and death. watever. =.= i dont know what am i talking also. ohyes. about that. RED! red really reminds me a lot of things there =S listening the songs there. reminds me even more pain. but it's still so enjoyable.. =D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

HAHAHAHA! happy birthday to my self! =D a lot of things happened lately.. a surprised party for me and weiling.. =D thanks people! =D appreciate that! =) then, ytd, shit ass. i accidentally deleted all the pictures. then luckily i found a program to get back. thank god. pheww! what else i want to say. dont know.. so many things i want to say. but i cant put them into words. =O next wed is presentation in CA =S dead. it will be an extraordinary experience.. XD ohya, today i saw to indian guy were whacking on two cows so badly.. =( i saw the pain in them. i could feel it too. please do stop cruelty. it's not war world. everyone should have moral and ethics in themselves. please. care them like how you care yourself. without those animals, where did u get stuff like cow milk? protection from dogs that you might not know? they might save you one day. they are living things! not torturing items! bloody fool! curse you for beating them!!!!!

Shit.

Today is the most memorable day of the year. Even more memorable than my birthday, maybe funeral as well or even whatever event in my life. Well. What else could I say. Tired. Sick of life. Again. Oh yes. For the girls out there. Remember. You can marry a good man. Then that's good. Congratulations. If you married a man which is either a gambler, drunkard, or drug addict.. I could tell you. Gambler at least is a little better.. At least, worst, they just ask money from you. Snatch it from you and so.. Then drunkard.. Crap shit. Hit wife and kids. Crap hoh. Never ever. Marry a man which is either this three. And I need not say about the drug addict.. You could imagine it yourselves.. Life's not fair. It's never. It won't be. And worst, it will never be! Live with it...!

23/10

well. I'm wondering. did i miss a lot? maybe? maybe not? i hope not. i don't like to miss things out. i want to attend everything i could. =) but i just can't separate myself right? haha. what else should i say? things are getting deeper. =| so much i want to say but nothing i could say. 17/10.. a day to remember in my life. this is what friends are really meant for. after such long period being friends, and yet, this is what i get. what's the point continuing this friendship? i felt it's pointless. words are sharper than knife. i totally agree. I'm weak. it's easy to hurt me. just simple words. yeah, I'm sorry for yelling at you. but you know what? u totally ruin my week. weekS perhaps. totally. saddening to be like this but i have no choice. i just want to sit back and relax. enjoy life while i still could. oh, yesterday had a drink with cy, jo, cy's sis in law and her friend, yeap. kanasai. slowly drink wain then started to bottom's up.. gone case. =.= somewhat the steaming moment was fun but not so fun. haha. whatever la. my english is gone. someone please speak english with me. =)

knock you down by keri hilson ft. kanye west and NeYo.

sometimes love fall down and knock you down =) just get back up! yeah yeah. yesterday. 19/10 i changed my hair style. brand new me huh? real short hair. a lil boyish. but i kinda like one side of it, were to my complexions are better =| i wish i could =) well, there's always hope =) think of happiness. think of those who are meaningful. think about those happy thoughts, those memorable, mesmerizing ones. =) perhaps, i hope it would help. =) sk sk. stop thinking so much. your brain needs a break =S

Roars!

I feel so weak, so restless.. Helpless.. Stucked up.. I couldn't help myself but to burst into tears. I promise, I won't shed a tear anymore for this. I'm so sick and tired of faking. I had enough.. So i'm not gonna bother it anymore.. Life's like this right? Never meant to be fair. Destinied. Dated. Prearranged. Meant to be means it had to be. Nothing can change the fact set. Sigh. Why care? Why bother? Live with it. It's daily cycle. Yeah. It is. No point keeping a grudge about it.. O.o yeah. I don't give a damn! You mutha fuckers!
Bitches! Get the hell out of my life! Roars!

15/10

suddenly i think back the last semesters. . i remembered, sem1 we are all strangers.. sem2, the incident of someone forged my signature for the attendance. sem3, i forgotten! how could i! sem4, a lil misunderstanding with qq and sy. o.O now sem5 i think another conflicting incident between me and os? o.O hopefully not la. i felt that she is afraid. afraid to open up her heart and mind. =S and now i know her so well, she doesn't know about me anything, she's even scared. =|

enough!

argh! seriously! enough! i don't wanna do this anymore! don't know how much could i bear with everything! God, please to light my path and show me the way. Amitabha. i really need guidance. i just want things to go on a little smoother. not so rough. =| will things get better? really just wake me up when it's 2012 december. =S so much had happened. her and her. with the same source of problems but different stories. what so ever. enough. tired of everything . sick of everything. just wanna lay down and take a good long break. relax. chill. and just let the "waste" to flow down by themselves. then, enjoy life to the fullest. live like we're dying. live like never lived before. !.!
and and, When a person cries and the first teardrop is from the right eye, its happiness but when its from the left, it's pain.. by cheryl geh in fb.
=O surprisingly. haha. well .this is on my mind for this very moment. never forget your roots. they are what you are. they are what makes you today. these roots has its own specialty and they are valuable. maybe priceless. never forget your roots. =)

Sushi king?

Hello dear blog! Miss me? Miss me not? Haha! Well well well. As usual, today I did not pay attention in econs. Hahaha! Terrible me. Feeling guilty? Nope. I hope I feel guilty. So that I will pay more attention on the upcoming lectures.. And we had burgers outside the lecture hall's hallway. Quite a rush.. O.o then blahh.. We went off. I went off to home first, to take my medicine. Then went to sushi king to fight and war there. Fun, yet tiring. Haha. Then watched sammy's adventure. I find that movie is not bad. Meaningfull. Loving. Touching. But it's total cartoon! Worst part of it.. Cartoon. But the turtle is cute! Hahah.. Then, had dinner .. When we were ordering, something unexpected and terrifying happened! We were all shocked! I hope she's fine. Cheer up alright? You have us. ;-) winks*... Now. I'm lying on my bed.. Having problems to sleep. Insomnia.. Terrible. Thinking rubbish here and there. Blahh! I want to sleep! Give me a break alright! Nights!

sometimes we must learn to let go..

yes.. let go.. for a better life. for a better future.. let go and let it be. i dont know what else could i say but i really do have a lot in my mind. =|

#261

I really want to find someone to cry out. Loudly. Screaming all out. Like. Everything. You people just make me miserable. Seriously I can't take it anymore. I wanna die. Enough wei. Enough. Fcuking shit. God Damn it. Can't you people just leave me alone?! I'm tired. So so so. Tired. God please treat me with mercy. I don't know if I could take it anymore. Seems like I couldn't. Breathless.

#260

i really do hate my life sometimes. maybe i'm demanding. but we should have target in our life right? ugh. all i'm asking is, more happy and mesmerizing moments rather than those pain and upsetting moments in my life. i'm so sick of it. sometimes i do wish to get hit by a car, die or let me coma for like few weeks. with no pain. honestly. i want to get a break. from everything. sick of being fake. sick of pretending. sick of acting patiently. sick of being human as well. yes. i do complain much i know. it's because i have never been contented in my life. life's gets rough, don't they? but why? can't it just be a little more simple. simplicity is all i ask for. i'm really tired. i just felt that i couldn't bare with you anymore. you're so sickening. ugh. how much i want to leave this place. but i know i wouldn't stand the hardship out there. but i will try. never try, never know. everyone will go through each stage in order to be more mature. i guess i'm more mature than last time but i think, not much. just a little. -.- whatever la. i don't like my life now. i hope to get a coma now. just shut down. then let me clear off those sadness. and replace them with those happy moments. i really do hate myself sometimes. being so stubborn and so ugh. i don't know. but i just want a little better than this. i just hope this place remains silent. i don't want any noise, any talking, any speech, any lecture, or even any conversation. just do your own thing and i'll do mine. =| it's really complicated as i'm a given a sensitive sense. i mean my senses are sensitive. i see things differently. from you actions, your words, your eyesight and also your body language, i see more. more than the surface. and i admit i'm sensitive and sometimes i maybe over think of something. but that's not i want right? i'm so used to it, or that's really what God made me. i'm supposed to live my life to the fullest and stop complaining right? yeah. but i just cant. example. you want A badly, but after you get that, you want B. then C. D ...... and endless. humans will never get contented. never! NEVER! fml!!!!!!!! i hate it!!!!!!!!!! so tired!!!!! #$%^&*()(*&^#$^&*(_&@#$(@)(#&*@%#

#259

Woots! Bought my backpack today. Yesterday? Lol. Wanted to buy long ago. Expensive. But. I kinda like it. Quite actually. Lol. Interesting. It's been a while since I used a backpack to college. Hmmm. Anyway! The most memorable thing today is charlie st. cloud! It was awesome! Sexy smokey killing eyes! And that body! That makes you in woohoo! Lol..... Sounds wrong, but it's a truth. He's hawt! Awesome! Who's he? He's zac efron! Haha! That's all for now. Kinda tired.. Nights!

#258

I've decided to blog after all. Lol. I'm starting to hate my phone more now. Annoying and lagg. Argh! Well. Congrats to my aunt! More to come for you! Heh. Anyway. I've this on my mind. I wanna say things to my dear classmates. Next post perhaps. What am I doing? Tired but I wanna blog. I want to release a little. I said i'm in dilemma and I have problems. But I never think of those who are really in trouble and truly need help. Blahh. I know everyone's road and rainbow differs. So, sk! Stop complaining! Btw, thanks to wew , yy and vana. Red box today really did opened me. I will ring even better next time. There's always space for improvement! Oh, btw, i'm wondering this in my mind. Did my words offended people? I think sometimes I do. So, I apologize now. =) this doesn't mean i'm wrong. But I don't wanna do things I regret and there might be no more tomorrow for me? I mean what if tomorrow never comes! Interesting huh me? I do feel so. But I don't wanna do things I regret much. I'm trying to but down. This is life. Never fair. Dear, mr. X. Must you decide every thing? Things you said hurt people a lot. Sometimes I just hope everything maintains the same. You don't talk , I don't speak. Just do your own thing and i'll do mine. Peace. Argh. Anyway. The letter to my classmates, I'll write it some time later on. When I have more time. Tired and lack me sleep. Nights!

Quotes i found =)

- Tears are the rinse water of an unhappy heart by Raynor Schein.

- In your life you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some you wonder what happened to them. by Unknown.

- Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives by Tony Robbins.

- You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

- Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns! by Allison Gappa Bottke

- If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. by Jim Rohn

- Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. by Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

- Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning? by Coleman Cox

- Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it. by Author Unknown

- The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile. by Plato

- Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. by Theodore Roosevelt

- The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. by Jimmy Johnson

- Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. by Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

- Decorate yourself from the inside out. by Terri Guillemets


- Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. by Charles Dickens

- We have a choice every day - to act on yesterday's good intentions or get an early start on tomorrow's regrets. by Robert Brault

- When you start treating people like people, they become people. by Paul Vitale


- Be kind to your shadow. by Rebecca Lawless


- I thought growing up was something that happened automatically as you got older. But it turns out it's something you have to choose to do. From the television show Scrubs


- If you have to do it every day, for God's sake learn to do it well. by Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


- Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. by Ralph Waldo Emerson

- Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson

- Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway. by Elbert Hubbard, A Thousand and One Epigrams, 1911

- Whatever you are be a good one. by Abraham Lincoln


- It's better to fight for something than against something. by Author Unknown


ALRIGHT! THATS ABOUT IT! =) lazy wanna pick the one i'm interested. XD but there's a lot. =)

O.O

well. after looking at her blog. i felt sorrow. well. i dont know much. but i'm curious. not being busybody but i'm concerned about her. well. we are all friends wei. i hope that you would speak it out to someone else. =) just talk it all out. hmmm. interesting. i realize the bond between the m11 mates are getting stronger. i hope there are more outings, to strengthen the bond even more. and till years or decades before it fades. these memories are precious. valuable. untouchable. =) but. can be felt in everyone's heart. and i believe every thing we did together, will leave a soft touch in everyone's heart. =) well. i hope there are more plans. seriously. i'm a hong so kia. i like going out. i dont like staying at home. i dont know why. maybe home makes me not me. =S it doesnt give me the feeling i wan. not that i expect. at least, some warmth? no. totally. so i dont care. live with it. now. i care everyone around me. i want everyone around me to be happy. =) if they are, and i am. if i could make a person smile, i could feel it with my heart, i mean the happiness came right from my heart. i could feel it. it's really nice making someone smile =) a smile can mean a lot. or at least, it could say that, i'm happy cause you .............. . lol. well. i dont think i am superb in organizing stuff. but i do hope people will cooperate with me when i organize stuff. maybe somehow, i like to do things alone. maybe thats a habit? i dont trust people when doing important stuff? everyone has to be done by myself? or am i a workaholic. whatever it is. i;m happy organizing stuff when i see people around happy with it. IF THE PLAN WORKS! whatever la. i dont know what i am talking about. lols. roars. and yeah. life sucks. it's awful. taste like shit.

PANTAI KERACHUT!

XD TODAY'S MENU! A HIKE TO PANTAI KERACHUT!

wow! that's awesome. serious hike. serious shit.

lol! tiring tiring tiring but much much fun and the effort is worth it. =D

woots. i dont know what else to talk muchh. seriously tired. but

not that tired. i dont know how 2 describe this. but this is FUN!

hahaha. now. worst. reddish skin! =.=

but okay la. hope it heals soon.

feeling itchy-ish and heatty-isy. lala-ness

roars! pictures of the day!

okay. i give up posting up pictures.

it take ages to post =.=

just leave it in fb >.<

By Zhai..

i found that in zhai's blog.
1. Bila sorang wanita mengatakan dia sedang bersedih,tetapi dia tidak menitiskan airmata,itu bermakna dia sedang menangis di dalam hatinya.

2. Bila dia tidak menghiraukan kamu selepas kamu menyakiti hatinya, lebih baik kamu beri dia masa untuk menenangkan hatinya semula sebelum kamu menegur dengan ucapan maaf.

3. Wanita sukar nak cari benda yang dia benci tentang orang yang paling dia sayang (sebab itu ramai wanita yang patah hati bila hubungan itu putus di tengah jalan).

4. Sekiranya sorang wanita jatuh cinta dengan sorang lelaki, lelaki itu akan sentiasa ada di fikirannya walaupun ketika dia sedang keluar dengan lelaki lain.

5. Bila lelaki yang dia suka dan cinta merenung tajam ke dalam matanya, dia akan cair seperti coklat!!

6. Wanita memang sukakan pujian tetapi selalu tidak tau macam mana nak menerima pujian.

7. Jika kamu tidak suka dengan gadis yang sukakan kamu separuh mati,tolak cintanya dengan lembut,jangan berkasar sebab ada satu semangat dalam diriwanita yang kamu tak akan tahu bila dia dah buat keputusan,dia akanlakukan apa saja.

8. Sekiranya sorang gadis mula menjauhkan diri darimu selepas kamu tolak cintanya,biarkan dia untuk seketika.Sekiranya kamu masih ingin menganggap dia sorang kawan,cubalah tegur dia perlahan-lahan.

9. Wanita suka meluahkan apa yang mereka rasa.Muzik,puisi,lukisan dan tulisan adalah cara termudah mereka meluahkan isi hati mereka.

10. Jangan sesekali beritahu perempuan yang mereka ni lansung tak berguna.

11. Bersikap terlalu serius boleh mematikan mood wanita.

12. Bila pertama kali lelaki yang dicintainya dalam diam memberikan respon positif,misalnya menghubunginya melalui telefon,si gadis akan bersikap acuh tak acuh seolah-olah tidak berminat,tetapi sebaik saja ganggang diletakkan,dia akan menjerit kesukaan dan tak sampai sepuluh minit,semua rakan-rakannya akan tahu berita tersebut.

13. Sekuntum senyuman memberi seribu erti bagi wanita.Jadi jangan senyum sebarangan.

14. Jika kamu menyukai sorang wanita,cubalah mulakan dengan persahabatan.Kemudian biarkan dia mengenalimu dengan lebih mendalam.

15. Jika sorang wanita memberi seribu satu alasan setiap kali kamu ajak keluar,tinggalkan dia sebab dia memang tak berminat denganmu.

16. Tetapi jika dalam masa yang sama dia menghubungimu atau menunggu panggilan darimu,teruskan usahamu untuk memikatnya.

17. Jangan sesekali mengagak apa yang dirasakannya.Tanya dia sendiri!!

18. Selepas sorang gadis jatuh cinta,dia akan sering tertanya-tanya kenapalah aku tak jumpa lelaki ini lebih awal.

19. Kalau kamu masih tercari-cari cara yang paling romantik untuk memikat hati sorang gadis,cubalah rajin-rajinkan tangan menyelak buku-buku cinta.

20. Bila setiap kali gambar kelas keluar,benda pertama yang dicari oleh wanita ialah siapa yang berdiri di sebelah buah hatinya,kemudian barulah dirinya sendiri.

21. Bekas teman lelaki akan sentiasa ada di fikirannya tetapi lelaki yang dicintainya sekarang akan berada di tempat teristimewa iaitu di hatinya!!

22. Satu ucapan 'Hi' sahaja sudah cukup menceriakan harinya.

23. Teman baiknya saja yang tahu apa yang sedang dia rasa dan lalui.

24. Wanita paling benci lelaki yang berbaik-baik dengan mereka semata-mata nak tackle kawan mereka yang paling cantik.

25. Cinta bermaksud kesetiaan, ambil berat, jujur dan kebahagiaan tanpa sebarang kompromi.

26. Semua wanita mahukan sorang lelaki yang cintakan mereka sepenuh hati..

27. Senjata wanita adalah airmata!!

28. Wanita suka jika sesekali orang yang disayanginya mengadakan surprise buatnya(hadiah,bunga atau sekadar kad ucapan romantis).Mereka akan rasa terharu dan merasakan bahawa dirinya dicintai setulus hati.Dengan i! ni dia tak akan ragu-ragu terhadapmu.

29. Wanita mudah jatuh hati pada lelaki yang ambil berat tentang mereka dan baik terhadapnya.So,kalau nak memikat wanita pandai-pandailah...

30. Sebenarnya mudah mengambil hati wanita kerana apa yang dia mahu hanyalah perasaan dicintai dan disayangi sepenuh jiwa

this is so true. lol. anyway. i'm stuck in dilemma now.

Results!

crap wei. i dreamed that i had 3a 2b or something like that. and it became reality. actually i was happy with it. until. others told me about theirs. i felt i'm such a failure. the paper i have confident with only get a-. the paper that i tot i flunked got a. =.= worst was. b and b+ . crap la my entrepreneur. if i did study the tips even harder. i think i gave up myself. when will i start fighting? i'm struggling here. ugh. totally down. totally happy straight down khi. =S guess i really have to take a good look at myself now. FML! roars. i must really work harder every sem. not letting loose again. all out!

=S

Crap. I'll never forget today. Thanks to yy and hc.. Ugh. Abu.. Crap la. The embarrassment is totally awful. God. Damn. It. The glasses and bottles that broke was Crap man. Everybody is not like everybody. =S wengkit,boon al were terribly drunk and was ko-ed. Lol. I hate today. Another trip I guess. Best dress. Fcuk wei.

#250

well. it's not easy finding someone to talk to and that person will not backstab you at the same time. and someone who understands you as well. sigh. it's never easy. =|

21/9/2010

random random. i feel so random! woohoo. i'm still wondering whose the mistery guest there. do i know you? i mean in real life? o.O *wonders* well. back to today. nothing much on my mind though. o.O nothing much i have done also. watched tv.. that's all. my room is in total mess! crappy! sem5 is in 5days time =( sad isn't it? so fast. there's good and bad actually. good in the sense of there are things for me to do to pass time and not soaked into boredom in the house =S .. bad in the sense of assignments and tests and finals! those creepy shit. lol! should i or shouldn't i? well. suddenly i think of a thing that says do it if your heart says it's right. because if you don't, you will regret in the future. and also don't do stuff you'll regret. seriously. the consequences may not be as expected or hoped. lol. cough cough cough. blah. bored wei! somebody help me! i'm gonna go nuts if i continue to be like this. =( please stop it! and yes. the question. if people asked me about the link of my blog, which is this one, should i give? i felt better not. somehow if they read and any misunderstanding occurred, it will be unfavorable. hmmm.

#247

Hello! Lol. After having a drink in Red with cy and sulin, I felt so steam! Quite some time I lost this feeling. Heh! It's good to have this feeling gone. Lol. That means that I've been a good girl, by not drinking. =O lol. Whatever? It's good to drink once in a while. I've dropped. Can't really stand it. Lol. Well. It's good to be steamming now.. At least I can leave everything aside for a while and chillax for a while .. Haha. If and only if.. I hope so. There's always hope and miracle. If you believe. And I do! Have faith in yourself sk! Nights!

#246

Yes. I'm not a entrepreneur. I give up easily. =S too bad so sad. Hmmm. Most of the things I just give up give up. Sad isn't it? No choice? Decisions is in my hands. Decide it right. Ugh. It's not easy to paint your own room. Much effort and concentration. Blahhh.. But I couldn't say much. O.o Blahh.. Ugh. Justin Bieber's never let you go. Awesome. Blahh.. Boring sem break. I couldn't find anyone to talk to though. Well. Nothing much to say by the way. Lol. I miss those laughters, foolishness and jokes. Those precious moments. I'm jumping all over. Forgotten who was I saying. Lol. Whatever it is, shut up and go to sleep sk! Nights cruel world! Heh!

Reunion?

Hmmm. Nothing much happened today.. Had brunch with mum at sky something.. Waited for at least half an hour. Damn. But the roasted pork was good. XD then I asked my mum to go and see furniture as I wanted to buy one frame for my poor bed. Haha. At first I just wanted to look but my mum bought! Weeee! Awesome! Then came home and start cleaning my room and start painting my window mia frame. XD then lucky made noise so 'he' had on choice but to bring her up. Then suddenly 'he' opened the door and I shouted because the floor outside has broken glasses and paints on it. How can lucky come out? Right? Maybe I was too loud but hey, i'm trying to concentrate you know? I seriously feel that you need help. Professional help. You will get yourself into new disease if you keep on being like this. I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. You should know some things. But I wont tell. Oh. Mystery guest. Who are you! Tell me! Heh!

interesting!

alright. this mistery guest is so interesting. lol. i hope u do tell me ur true identity. i did not tell anyone i changed my link. o.O interesting. anyway. the downtown trip was awesome. we did learned new stuff. that's what i felt. hmmm. then i had lots of fun too. the trip to bm was great also. boarding the rapid bus was funny. lol. i believe treating people with kindness and mercy does make a return. maybe not that time. some other time. but if we were doing good deeeds, why ask for return? =) as long as we feel comfortable with it, that's enough. well. sem break is so boring if i dont hang out. :S there's nothing to do in the house and it's impossible to go out and don't spend a single ringgit. it's IMPOSSIBLE. =S sigh. well. i have this thing on my mind that i would like to say it so much! imy! =| whatever. and also, you are so annoying! lol. random! perhaps? roars!

P/S : mistery guest. do let me know who are you. lol!

#243

woots. today damn syokk. xD woke up and went to bank with mom then went for breakfast.. then came home. . settle down and prepare myself to go to ferry! weee! then met ousheng at the bas terminal ther. er.er.er. then this one, keat. waited tan boon tuey! for 45minutes or something like that. o.O then went to watch resident evil.. hmmmm. then . we went to pacific and os told us the scary stories there. :S roars. after that we went to chai leng park area to have dinner.. fish and chips and chicken chop. o.O then then then. we sit ferry and bus back to wew's house. then watched movie and played big2. XD worst is i kena that "jackpot" =S sadness. then er. nothing much lo. today had a lot of fun though. oh yea. goldfish. cheer up. =) well. there's this guy i want to talk about. i cant say much because it will be obvious. o.O you are kinda annoying and lame at times. quite actually. and you just say or do things without thinking the consequences or rather, others feelings. it's not healthy you know. selfish or somewhat other word to describe. crappy feeling la. totally annoying. totally annoyed. i wonder have you ever realized about this. i dont know if you know that there are people talking behind your back, but please. do understand others feelings. i dont know how to say but it's roughly about being annoyed! i might be harsh and rude at times or most of the time? lol. but seriously, you made me. i really can't stand it dy. please. stop. it. will. you. zzzzzzzzzzzz

#242

today a very very small kitten was meow-ing at the alley behind my house.. since last night midnight until now. the mother kitten refuse to feed her milk. poor thing you know. she meow-ed for like more than 30 hours. =( it's sad hearing her meow. and now i can feel her pain. her meow turned softer and softer. =( me n my mom tried to feed her milk. but she doesn't know how to drink =S and my heart does feel her voice. =( so sad. seriously. i can hear and feel her pain. the loneliness and the painfulness out there. searching for the mother but no one could answer. =( so irresponsible. not like the grey one. that one is more responsible mother. sigh. but too bad. none could be taken care by us. it's not our business. i do want to put all these cats and kittens to some where safe. but how could i? o.O uh. btw, the small kitten behind has not opened her eyes yet =| ugh. pain pain. god bless you okay. oh yeah. today was also our business game meeting. . it was held in my house. btw, sorry for the messiness. lol. wooo. then my mom cooked tomyam beehoon. hope you guys liked it er. roars. another day has passed. whatever comes whatever goes..

#241

o.O roars. what can i do what can i do... roars. bored nia this sem break. hmmm. what else could i do? o.O sigh. business game is so tiring. well. i knew i would regret for joining this. but i must learn to not to give up so easily anymore. i don't want to give up so easily. i must try harder. =) well. that's easy to say. these few days i tried to sleep but i don't seem to sleep well. =| maybe it's cause of .... blah. well. i'm looking forward for this coming tues and wed's plan =D hope it works.hope hope. but still. hope is hope. lol. maybe i should just get some sleep =| sleep tight sk. the roaring goat! roars!

#240

what the fcuk is wrong with you? you are so damn irritating. damn it. and another you. i dont know what went wrong and what the fcuk happened. but just, fcuk it. damn it. i had enough. i am sick of all these. i should just deactivate things off. deactivate my life as well. fcuk it!

#239

Well. Much more I wanted to say actually. Hmmm. I wanted to tell you how much I miss you badly! =O roars. Hug you tightly and never let you go! If anyone ever sees this, Damn. I'm in deep shit. Haha. Whatever. I just cant. Well. There are so much I wanna talk about and most of it? Cant. Why? Because not everyone could know what I meant. ..... Blah Blah Blah. Sigh. I wanna do something to keep myself busy! O.o

RedBox

today went quite well.. i went to clinic to take my hepatitis A injection aka booster.. sienness. then went to the bank and did my atm card and so. then came home and wait for ousheng,jinmei and ebeybey ... then went to poly to eat chicken rice.. v were in rush actually. we were buying Piranha at 1.15 when the movie is 1.10 >.< the movie was great. the movie was short. not worth it. plus some of the parts was removed ... then we went to walk around. search for my wallet. this time i wont let go if i saw the one i really really want. :O or else i will start regretting later on.. blah blah blah. i actually like the Bonia one.. one is the skin and one is the interior.. hw nice if they could just combine into one =| then we went for Redbox. it's quite packed there. err. i expected the rooms and the spaces to be bigger. but it's quite a disappointment actually. not so much after all. although there were glamorous entrance and guest hall.. blah. the walkway is smaller. rooms are packed as well.. sigh. but nevermind. then we left. i'm looking forward for tomorrow then. =)

#237

now i realized it's not easy to hang out with them. well a lot of them actually. every gang has different appetite. interesting huh? some likes that, some likes those. and every now and then we want to hang out together more so that we could have more memories to keep and when we go to our separate ways, we still have some remains in our computer and also, our heart. it's the little soft touch in our heart that remains for a very lasting period. which is more durable. LOL? crap. asking one and another one. everything differ from the one expected... blah blah blah. whatever. hope things could just slow down and let me enjoy it =)

sem break!

well well well. it's sem break now. a lot for me to say. erm. after the last exam on fri, i don't know why. i felt disappointed, instead of happiness. because i did badly. again. i felt that i will regret when i see my results. what a fool, am i? do stuff that i regret, over and over again. sigh. well. on fri, we went out. had lunched at chopper board, then watched king of fighters, then shopped at pdi for our class shirt, then er, watched step up 3! that movie is AWESOMEEEEEEEEEE! what the hell. i can repeat over and over again! =D then er, had dinner at bh. =D after that we overnight-ed at mingyen's hostel. er, me,kx,os,my and jm were there. we slept earli, and planned to see sunrise, but ended up did not, because we were worry about our safety. lol. then the next day, we had breakfast at dim sum at macalister road. then went back to mingyen's hostel to drop maomao. then went to ousheng's hostel for her to pack up. then we left. dropped me off. and the sad case thing happened on 4th september 2010, 12.30 pm. i was doomed for the whole day. even though i had a delicious dinner at KhunTai with family =.= enjoyable night but horrible day. then i had a jackpot this morning! i found my wallet! at around 11+am, a postman called me. said that he found my wallet in the public post box at jelutong area. thanks a bundle dear postman! =D that was like woah! i woke from my restless sleep! and jumped happily after i cut the line! this is amazing! i was so lucky! thank god man! thank GOD! =) then my day and sem break was brighten up now! =D thanks for everything God. =)

Day 5 of the survival

I can't find any words to describe my feelings now. It's totally indescribeable? Lol. Whatever it is. I will fight through this war and win it! I'm unbeatable. Lol. I won't give up even I know I may not handle it. But I'm starting to give up. So I came here to release off some shit. Uh, by the way, when I was buying my dinner just now, I felt the sea breeze. Ohmygod. It's so uh. I miss going to the beach. Well. It's a place of tranquility. It's so comfortable to hear the sea wind and the waves. I'm going to the beach man. After the hungry ghost month. For sure! Now, fight your books, sk.

Day 4

It's day four and I have no mood to study anymore. It's so tiring. I'm exhausted. I've typed everything just now and one back button made me rewrite everything again. God Damn everything! Sigh. I forgotten what I wanted to say but I remember I was saying there's nothing more I can do. Or rather there's nothing in this world worth me fighting for. I don't know what took my study mode off. But i'm sure it's a shit. Crap Crap. Taxation. I wish the god can give me the strength to stand up again. I think I need guidance, maybe. But I think what I really really need now is a hug. A warm hug from a friend? I guess? I want a long scream too but it's hungry ghost month. No screaming are allowed. Lol. Whatever it takes. Whatever I do. I will do it. I don't know if I could fight through this war and win this war. Because it's not easy. It's never easy being human. Especially a complicated one. Life's never easy. Dreams, perhaps are the easiest thing ever. God bless me. Lol

buto!

buto is grape. lol. i dont wanna study anymore! fcuked up black and white life! shit!

What?

What? What do I really want? I want things to be simple. As simple as it could. But it won't right? Because this is life. Life's never easy ey.. Whatever it takes, we have to go through it. Through thick and thin. Through the rough and smooth. Just another night of tears ey.. I'm weak. So weak. I want to be heard. But there's no one to go to. Sigh. When can I see the next sunrise? I miss the sunrise that makes me feel alive and refreshed. And the starry starry night.. That gives me a very peaceful, happy and mesmerizing memory of you. Imissyou. =S sad and broken everyday. Who knows? Maybe I'm so used to see things by the negative side, that's why i'm so negative. =( sigh. What can I do? This is a habit or attitude. And it's not easy to change one. Time. Time. Time. I hope things just pass faster and set me free. Set me free from this pain. I struggled enough. I could barely take it anymore. Not a bit!

Day1

Day 1 of finals for year2 sem1. sien ness. although the paper has passed but i still do have some worries though i am relieved! =S well well well. today was just the other day. i was expecting something better and then it became odd. kao sai la. i wanna leave this place. to hell with it.

imy!

although time has passed so long. i still think of you every now and then. you just pass through me. straight through my brain, my heart =O blah blah blah. seeing your pictures reminds me even more. =( sigh. times passes! when will this end. o.O anyway. when i'm studying, time passes quickly. but when i online! the time FLIES! wth?! study study study. my life is just black and white now. no other color. nope. none! life's get harder as we grow, don't they? =| aikss. i could really use a wish right now ;)

#228

we were like strangers when we met. you know it's hurtful to see that happens and i felt it deep inside. we had so much fun together. we once had i mean. but i do miss those days. but those were the days. they will never come back again, don't they? past is a past. look for the future ey? it's good to see you guys once in a while though. at least i can recap those memories back again. =) although it is sad. but through the pain i have felt, i realized something else. just let it go right? perhaps. i will. one day =)
wooo.. and i found this quiz quite accurate. i did it before i think? maybe. i wanna remind myself. so i'm gonna keep it here =|
Love Test
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You take your time and do not fall in love easily.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :In a relationship you give 60% and expect 40% in return.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like to get the person yourself.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like to see him/her a lot.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You love the person the way s/he is.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You fall out of love easily.
and and this!
Find out your Ideal Mate!
웃 :You always compare yourself with others.
웃 :You make your wishes too difficult to come true.
웃 :You are in despair about your lack of success.
웃 :That's your attitudes towards success.
웃 :You are a person of principle.
웃 :You respect social rules and regulations.
웃 :You are emotional, sincere and optimistic.

blablabla.
SK THE ROARING GOAT! woots! roars! uh. i wish finals just ended now. =S

#227

stress makes one grow, don't day? i felt i am not the same anymore. not that weak. maybe a growth of 1%? lol! whatever la. tired! mom is having a vacation in China! and i suffer all alone in the house =S sadness. she made me into a lau ee =P but well. maybe i should start learning all these. =) hmmm. anyway, i am slacking off these days. but i am working harder as compared to the past semesters. =D so happy and so sad. whatever it takes and whatever happens, i'm gonna break through everything! BREAK IT! SK THE ROARING GOAT! me and wew decided to buy a pen like SUE. i wanna carve "SK THE ROARING GOAT" ler. lol. random! =D and and and! one good thing, i facebook-ing lesser nowadays. =D

i can't take it anymore.

lol. i really can't take it anymore. exam stress. the pressure i felt this semester is different from the past sems. it's like fire burning in the heart and head but there's not enough willpower to start the engine. what am i supposed to dO? crap la. do it even you don't like it. this is life. we never have a choice. i'm gonna fight till the end. o.O there's something in my mind lately. but i knew i should not have it, in any way. =S doesn't quite make sense. crap crap. FINALS! maf then pof then tax then fa then entre. then FREE-DOM. woots. counting the days for freedom. =) what is important is the process.. yup. from the process, we learn more and more stuff! =) i'm gonna stop spending for the sake of brighter future. i dowana ended up be a Big Spender! weeeeeeeeee* can't stop doing that. . o.O

#225

I wanna talk. I really do. But I don't know who should I go to? Perhaps perhaps. Whatever. If that's what you want then fine. If you are satisfied and happy, good. But I am not!! Have you ever think of the people around you? Perhaps never. Selfish ass. Could you try to put on other's shoe and feel like how they feel? No. Never. You are not even all grown up yet. Whatever. Damn it! And, apart from my revision, maf sucks. To the max! Notes and tutorials and pass years are different! And how are we supposed to study? Crap shit ay! Argh! At the very moment I feel like tearing green green off. Damn you man green green!

=S

awful. so terribly sick. i was vomiting and diarrhea back in two days =S 3.30 till afternoon. bout 8 times or something =S everything came out. even my dinner, my bile =S so damn pain =S till today i can still feel the pain. and today my aunty visited me =S crap. well. i had an injection and "tiau chui" as well LOL. terrible. awful. well that passed. and today period came =S crap man. crap crap. i will remember this pain i had, and i will never have raw food until i get my injection for hepatitis B ! crap another 3 injections if i din hear wrongly ! SHIT! well. suddenly i feel so lost. =|

#223

Well. There's nothing I can do about it . Why should I even bother, right? But no! We are related. Yeah. We are. I don't know why god has this arrangement. Well! I cannot question the god. And we do not have the rights or authority to question too. Guess this is fate after all. However, I will just tell myself to stay tough. I am just another stubborn ass. Lol. Well. Who else can I go to? I kept asking myself this question. Who? Perhaps there are. Perhaps none. Well. God made this arrangements has its reasons behind it. So maybe I should just learn, observe and absorb. Put it in life. Life is never easy and life doesn't come with an instruction nor a guide. So, I should learn and remember the pain I have felt and make sure it doesn't repeat. But hey, history repeats by itself though. Roarsss! Let the bygone bygone. Let the killing begin too! Kill books! Finals is in less than two weeks and I never had any shit on it! Roarssss! I should start panicing now! Before its too late! Sk! The roaring goat! Haha!

#222

i won't blame life. because i'm destined to be like this. i won't blame him as well. because it's fate. well. i'm not quite sure where am i going and what do i want. but for sure, i don't want this. i always tell myself that i wanna break the egg and turn over a new leaf. but i just can't. saying is easy, but not the part, doing. it's easy to say and difficult to be done. o.O blah. there are so much so much so much i wanna say. do. think. but i just felt i couldn't do it. maybe i dont have confidence but there are reasons right? there are always a reason behind something. =) it's just indescribable. =S whatever it is. i will rush through this. i promised myself. i never wanted this kind of .... . i never like living in this "place" i never liked!

#221

lol. redboxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. i felt that we skipped a lot of lectures and tutorials recently. =S it's terrible. lol. but still, we are doing that. lol. anyway, such a great day today =) i felt that the four of us is becoming more into a group dy. somehow, we did a lot of stuff together, recently. lol. i don't really know if it's good or a bad thing. though it puts my pain aside, but somehow there's a soft touch in me that says something else. i don't know what is it. but er, i'm also curious as well. hmmm. yeah. this really did bugged me. this is a quote by me, for today. that's what i felt btw. I'm studying with them and i felt like i'm becoming like them. this is shit man. i like the old me. where i speak fluently =( i miss those words. those bombastic ones. but i do like to speak the new language, and i want to say it fluently, without worrying any grammatical mistakes. o.O how to do well in both? well, i just i need more practice! XD

#220

hmmm. interesting today. did OPS's test. wasn't that bad or awful as said. lol. but i did flunked it. crap. one wrong stuff i took. argh. disappointed much though. :( anyway. today, a super event happened. HE called me at 4.58pm, for 10seconds. who is he? only he, the God and wew knows! LOL! interesting huh? yeap yeap. quite an idea. LOL. well. there's another more interesting story to be heard. but wait up, i will just hope that you come and confront us. i really do. or not, i'm gonna confront you later on. :D if i have the opportunity, because? ysttm. =.= well. i'm looking forward for tmr's red box Wheeeeee* XD

#219

suddenly i had a soft touch in my heart that says "i miss you" o.O it's really weird. we haven't seen each other for quite some time, even chat as well. but this feeling just struck me. o.O i'm surprised actually. but i am not happy nor sad about it. because it's a past tense. weee* anyway, take care and good luck to you. =)

#218

well. last night i had a superb night. total awesomeness! =D thanks to wongWeewei,yy and bird! =D all the laughter and sillyness that i missed and had been longing is back. no. suppose to say, finally here. i wanted this night so much. after meeting up in bh2 then, went to abu and the a little detour to tanjung bungah is awesome. those shit we did in yy's car. woah. beautiful =) it's been a while since i had so much fun =) thanks again. and i will remember this quote, created by Weewei. "it's my birthday and i want to untie my ketupat" LOL!! i bet others will wonder what is this.. this is AWESOME! woots! there are some implicit meaning within that sentence. hah! woots! <3 that night, 23/7/2010, 1am - 2am. yes. i will definitely remember ABU's Indo meeee! woots!

crap!

yes i crap a lot.lol. time to crap lesser. XD and do more. =) life's short. as said by Wayne Lai, in life, how many 10 years do we have? LOL. wth. nonsense. yes. i'm crapping again. whatever lah. blow it. i have done whatever that i felt it's right. i have no doubt about it and i am not gonna regret for it because i knew i did the right thing. =) but whatever it outcome is, i am gonna leave that thing behind it. these wounds wont heal and it will leave a scar there, as a mark. there are already one. blah. blueblue on monday and orangee on wed. tired much. assignments due dates are worst. =S blahh. so packed. so much to do with so little time. nowadays i feel like, it's better to sit down alone quietly, without anyone questioning you stuff, so that you could think through things. blah. crap. ok la. dont even know what i am talking again. where's my formal blog posts? i could even blog properly like i used to. =( i am starting to talk more and more mandarin. =S i love english. i seriously do. i miss speaking it. =( where are you, sk? woo. today i felt that i am a little more relieved. what is done , is done. just shut up and move on! well. there's something i am pretty sure now. things wouldn't be the same as last time. because there a little something added on to it. =) but i do hope time will brush it off. i've learnt a lesson from this. i have to be more selfish =D but that's not the particular me. hah! i ain't selfish. and nothing can change it! weee* perhaps i should just keep myself busy with the week and ignore everything else =D more to come, behold sk! currently, listening to Leona Lewis's Happy. one good song. i just wanna be happy! watched this life passed by. but so what if it hurts me? i just wanna be happy! i gotta find my place. yeah. someday, i'll find my place. =) just me!

something new*

we all live in this world where we face a lot of different things everyday. we might face something we have not face before or maybe some repetitive stuff and so on. we might not know what's coming for tomorrow. we do not know what has God planned for us, ahead. this is destiny. and then, there are something which happened for a reason and you can do nothing about it. this is called life. but when you can do something to change it, this is called fate. it is destiny that we met each other. it is life that we are living in. and it is fate that brought us together. i have to say that i care. i care everything in my life. i may be or may not be a perfectionist. but i have own set of rules or principle to follow. i may or may not understand my self but i know what i want. it's just the matter of fact that can i do it or i can't do it. i see a lot of things after experiencing something new and way different from the past incidents. of course, as we grow all, we learn something new. we live in our present and future, not past. that's for sure. what has happened, has happened. just let it go. it's not easy though. i need a lot of faith, a lot of courage, a lot of thinking and considerations. but when you heart says go for it then i think we should go. we won't regret for trying because at least we tried. we won't regret for not trying. hmmm. there were sayings quoted by other famous people, for example. let the bygone bygone.. live like we're dying.. live life to the fullest.. yes. i knew. but for everyone, there has to be something we cannot let go and just forget. it's like living in our blood. it lives with us and dies with us. i guess. hmmm. well. i think i am crapping a lot here. but i do feel that if my keyboard is softer, i can type more smoothly. shitcrap again. lol. blahh! btw, do ignore my crap. it's just some bullshit of mine. lol.

=)

thanks to her again. she told me stuff that i never expected .. i know there are so much to say. so much to do. so much to be thought of. but. i just wont say it out. she knows. at least, she knows what i felt. =) anyway. today was. just another day with tears =( broke into tears again. argh. sk. you gotta stop this, alright? swollen eyes not enough er? eye bags like shit. =S damn it! btw, today james foo 's current ran or something. caught in fire. lol. terrible experience. and unexpected. well. we must expect for the unexpected. =) cheer up. live in future and present, not past? perhaps. =)

woi!

woi! sk! finally you broke into emotion! emotional! argh. wew o wew. thanks for staying by myself and let my self heal. =.= i really dont have the courage to face it. i'm so tired.. so so so tired... =( i live in shadows.. i feel. perhaps, that's me. it's stupid. but. i am quite used to it already. if i dont move forward, what will i learn? what else ? i missed a lot. wake me up! =) woooo!
i made it. deep enough and long enough. so that i will remember this. i will. definitely will..

finally i fell sick?

crap shit la. no. i hate sick. please go away. argh. make me kenot go red box with wew they all. o.O kaosainess. but it's been quite sometime i din fell sick. thank god for that. i hate being sick. makes me feel even lifeless. i tend to be even lazier than ever and i will just lay down on my couch and bed whenever i can. o.O yesterday was odyssey night. it was okay gua .. then i went to find mingyen they all. but there was something else in my head. but seriously. i dun have the courage to face it now. so down down down. inside out i am all done. all done. i'm weak. yes. i am. i must learn to be more stronger =) sk, dont be a weakling anymore! oh yea. btw. think i couldn't go for the blood donation again. crap la. two years also din get to donate o.O next year? or donate outside. o.O better save my blood for blood test first. Lol. and also o.O ...... roars! continues to write again* it's weird this time that i still have the mood to fb and blog even though i'm sick. o.o maybe it's a break too. the phlegm in my throat doesnt go away. the pain in my head is not fading. the ache in my heart is still there. but. i am not hungry! ain't that weird? nothing went into my stomach since er 6something last night. and that's unusual. o.O watever it is. i had a freaken dream when i was sleeping just now. another heartbreaking dream. why? why must this things haunt me even in my dreams? i am starting to feel that i am smaller and getting smaller. i feel i'm so weak. so small, so weak, so undecided.. and.. so lost. lol. i hate this part right here! chun nia this song. =S i can't take this anymore! help!

vroom..

tired. tired.. exhausted ah.. o.O i post as if this is plurk. LOL. bored. i want the time to stop.. O.o woi, sick go away. argh.

bonbon~

today. woke up in a steam way. perhaps i shouldn't have replied her at the first place, last night. it brought back my sadness after i have stopped it. but nevermind la. woke up quite steam. but luckily. it's not swollen anymore. but something else was swollen. LOL. worst. if sue sees it. for sure i kena :S but watever la. what had happened, happened. what should be done, should have done. it's time to face something else more important. assignments. eh wait. back to today. er. watched sin guang the whole day lo. nothing else better to do. =S then went to bon odori. quite boring la actually. but there's nothing else better to do uh? at least i kept myself busy for the day, it passed by more quickly and peacefully. then after bon, when to nando's with wew,sue and kevin. lol. eat till damn full after starving in bonbon. :S then all of us left.. me n wew went to meet yy,sunny,bird.shawal,stanley and hc at bh2. laughed like shit. laughed the hell out of us. it's been a while since i last laughed. haha. laughed so naturally. =| there's still some dilemma in my head. lol. i dont know what is wrong and what is right anymore.. i dont know what else can i do anymore.. i dont what else to say too. what should i do? act as if nothing had happened? sorry. i couldn't do that. it's hurtful if i do that to myself. i ain't fake. btw. i am not writing this to get sympathy. i just wanna jot down my journals. yes. perhaps. watever. so sick of everything. if there were just a reset button or a turn back time machine. for sure. i wont let anything negative to happen in my life. but that's impossible. lol. i find that the challenges gets more difficult from time to time. the matter of fact is, i did not grow stronger. i live in my past. i can't let go. i'm stubborn. that the typical me. o.O roars. this wounds don't seem to heal (by one of evanescence's song) roars. watever. i needa point. o.O i will go insane if this continues.

vroom*

roars

screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm* guess i can't post anything in facebook's status dy. o.O anyway, thanks to a sue,wew and shirly lo. =) thanks for the one hour plus there. i dont know what else to say. the problem is not at anyone else. the problem is in me. i am that type of people that is so stubborn and goes for savage ways to release my inner issues. aiya. i dont know what else to say d. better stfu o.O yes. yes. i finally remembered by i shouldn't post my status in fb just like that. the reason is, i dont wanna be another him. itu orang macam kurang ajar sikit. tau tak hang? kasih hg sempoi baru tau. argh. annoying ass. roars. what else is on my mind now? quite alot. been thinking that incident ever since yesterday. quite, er, don't know. i just don't let go things so easily. i dont forget people. i dont forget words that had already entered my heart and straight to my heart. just one small touch. boom* quickly. wooooo. . if you ask me to pretend nothing had happened, sorry i couldn't do that. perhaps sue know me la. since that time we had an, er, misunderstanding? i think it took about a week or so to rub it off. i think things will get better as time goes by, but no matter how long, it will still be in my mind. it doesnt stop and it pops. =.= and i am not angry of anyone at the first place. seriously. i am not angry of whoever. no. i am not. nope. i am not. no no no and no. i was just fed up of myself. there's no relation in you guys. o.O i'm stupid. i guess? or rather, i am too stubborn. well. that's my attitude. dear bloggie, lol. the reason i am writing to you is because i want to read back the foolish moments of my life when i am a teenager. well. i am sick of living. o.O if 2012 is real then it might be a good thing to me? another new beginning. o.O ok la.i am crapping. but the fact is, i find no reason for me to be happy of. failure.disappointments. disagreements. sadness.crappyme. woots. when can i regain my conscious. thanks to that girl who made me lost my analytical attitude. i used to see things transparently. i can read people's mind by looking at their eyes and body language. at least for that moment i know what is that person thinking and so. but u ruined it. all thanks to you! bloody fool. PS. this is another person. that we all know. this is old issue. not this sem's issue. lalalala. should i say life rocks or sucks?

dishearteness.

today was presentation and as usual. i flunked it. so fcuked up stresses these few days, or weeks? so tired of life and really sick of it. it's really fcuked up life. am i complaining too much? yes. i am. but that's my personality. am i remembering too much? yes. it's my characteristic. am i an idiot? of course i am. i am definitely one dumbo idiotic ass. perhaps i should stop doing those extra stuff. being kind is not easy. and yes. you did disheartenED me. u broke me. u made my day even worst. it's not that i want or not. it's i cant. i really want to. but i just cant. maybe next time i should just shut the hell up of me. life is so tiring. i wish for a god damn break. i dont want to see so much. it breaks my heart. leaves scars in it. and these wounds dont heal even times has passed by so much. i rather you kill me than break me. thanks for that though. at least, i learned a lesson, don't be so busy body next time. or not? you'll ended up be another dumbass. thanks for making the tears to fell though. i have been saving for a reason. and i did not expect the reason is you. i am not complaining or saying or what so ever. but i knew this thing could happen one day. and the day has come. you said it out. i am not angry of you but i am angry of myself. and this guilt in me has finally released out. at least, i have one less burden. if you still want to blame me for that. i have nothing to say. guess i will just stfu and walk away. and my heart is breaking. i could feel the guilt in it that is tearing it apart. life. sucks.

hectic days with tests =S

tests and tests and tests. then assignments in between =.= in and out. deep and through. woah. so much to do with so little and and so much distraction! sigh sigh. no more honeymoon i guess? lol. anyway, a sudden thought of "what will remind me of someone" yes. this is weird. lol. i dont know what i am crapping. i should be spending my time on entrepreneurship or SML's the idiotic green book =.= dont tell her.. shoO! XD owh btw, i miss those days when i was richer, and when i can spend money on drinks =.= zzzzzz

26/6/2010

seems like i've had a minute of conscious and an hour of improvement to myself? i dont know whether it's just me feeling so, but i do feel there's some difference in me. o.O am i being sensitive? heh? might be. XD but i do hope so. hmmm. ops's test has passed. and i felt that i did badly. like seriously. maybe it's just being me. i still remember that time i cried for my test. accounts back in form4. i never ever cried over tests before. i might be one that can study but i just dont really like studying. o.O hmmm. i really don't.. if anyone sees my trophies and compare with the certs i have, i am pretty sure that the person also feels that i prefer doing sports rather than studying because i do! at least, you dont have 2 use your brain in sports, at least not so much! nonsense. now i must study ok. sk wake up liao. week7 dy! wooo. but still feels like honeymoon. LOL. still fooling around and doing craps around. woolala. that's gonna kill me. basic tax is on monday. yes monday. and i had a hell of taxes in my head =.= crappy. oh, i found a book with a few poems in there. i mean like several. interesting, i don't know who was the writer, but i'm gonna post it up here soon. when i am alone in the house, at least some peace! weee. and mvs, yes, i know i was silly about it. but it really gives me a sense of contentment. lol. yes. i'm insane =P wait till you see this, i'm sure u gonna scold me @.@ ... and, sh the sohai LOL. joking. wee. thanks for everything, thanks for understanding, thanks for listening, thanks for everything. but i still feel there's a difference in between now. weee* let's just get together and mend it over soon. XD weeeeeee* TAX, HERE I COME!

lol!

first time i din clear my mails.. i'm so used to clearing stuffs. fb requests, mails and so on. lol. i left it from 28/5/2010 to today, i got 2002 mails. lol. not much i guess. haha. clearing stuffs.. reminds me of friendster.. i should log in like now. LOL! and i am having a hard time clearing the mails LOL! i feel dope as well =.= ah random posts. i feel so random nowadays. woots! 22days. avg is about less than 100 mails per day. lol nonsense la. lalalaala~

fifa fifa.. lol

lol. so random. suddenly chatting with this monkey reminds me of the class where we just knew each other. o.O suddenly i think back the past. much has changed. o.O whatever. germany, portugal and spain and france ?? upset er? although i dont fancy football much but this is *undescribable* seriously. how could they lost ! argh! random thoughts in my mind now. *if you're unhappy with your life, then you will not happy. *if you complain about your life, you will be unhappy as well. lol. *stop complaining eh? hardly. woots. random random random. soooooo random! i'm happy if they are happy. but well, i'm fake if you are. =) btw, ENGLAND PLEASEEEEEE WINNNNNNNNNNN nicely!

o.o

woots. suddenly at this very moment, i felt i'm just another faker. so fake, so fake ... O.O i dont know if i'm real again, but feelings tells me, i'm not. and now listening to rihanna's russian roulette, even emo. and just now as i was riding my bike under the drizzling rain, i was trembling and shaking. it's really really really cold out there. and i dont want this feeling ever again. o.O and i dont want to have this cold and lonely feelings ever again. fake-nya-aku.. o.o.... at the same time, i feel so disappointed about something. but i'm not really sure about it. God please do guide me. lighten my path. =)

i wonder

i wonder will the sun shine tomorrow.. o.O not the sun that everyone can see. this is one invisible sun. lol. upset! woo.. suddenly i felt that i missed the moments in cpt more and more. o.O

perfect sad quote for now. lol.

i was google-ing something just now, and i show the suggestion "sad quotes" lol. out of curiosity, i clicked. and i went for the first link. so, i found this : Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels.. and this is so perfect that i could not use any other words to describe my feelings now but this quotes says everything i wanted to say. =) such a coincidence. as for today. nothing much happened, except for the fact i had some hard time hiding my hand off from public. :S and today i ate durian for once after like 5 years? i am not sure how long i have quit eating durian. lol. it's been a while. and i wont eat again. phobia-tic now. LOL and now i continue to search for quotes, and i found a few quite meaningful to me.
- The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
- Behind my smile, there are something you'll never understand.
- Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
- Life isn’t fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all
- Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
- A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants
- Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad

thats about all. lol. uhm. what else to say? i don't know what's wrong. but this just came to me just like that. what else could i say ? o.O oh yesh yesh. maybe there is a reason. i care everything around me too much. i often put others' advantages above me and mine beneath them. is that so? maybe not. i'm not so good afterall .just another pain in the ass. hah! yesh yesh . i am unholy. i have a feeling that i have changed into another person with a glance of an eye. do you agree? i think i must agree. but i dont know i just couldnt forget everything. somehow there's something bothering me. maybe it's for the best. ou. really? perhaps yes. i still thinking about the incident in Berjaya Hotel back in form2. i still couldnt get over it. i really regretted i did not just jumped off the window. maybe if i did, i wouldnt have so much dark memories in my life. there's nothing to be happy about it. NOTHING. i dont fcuking feel anything in life. fml! *failure* wtf? i'm shaking in my room. so cold so cold. even i offed the air con. does this means when you're down or sad, you will feel so cold? even you offed the fan and air con? so true. o.O