#294

currently, i dont know where i am but i know i'm lost. i find there's nothing to do in life anymore. i mean, there's no motivation, no source of support. felt so lost. nothing makes me happy either. =|

#293

a song titled : Sorry That I Loved You.


Verse 1
For all of the times that I tried for your smile
For making you think that I was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine

Verse 2
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind

Chorus
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

Verse 3
And I’m so sorry for…
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by

Verse 4
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love, for wasting your time

Chorus
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

Bridge:
An apology now after all of this time
Won’t make any difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life

Yeahhhh~~~~

Chorus~

#292

Sometimes I would rather be home alone. At least, no one will disturb me or interrupt me. I will have peace. No nagging, no noise. Just silence. It's good to have silence now. I just don't want to talk to you people. I just want to be alone. And for a friend of mine, I hope you are not saying about me. I want to live alone and die alone. I would rather have no 1 with me. It's better of this way. Things are smoother and livelier.. I wonder when I die, will I be buried six feet under the ground or burnt into ashes and kept in an urn or burnt into ashes and thrown into the sea.. And I do wonder how will I die.. Will I die because of old age? Accident? Disease? Murder? Poisoned? Hahaha.. Seems like I have watched a lot of movies hah.. Hahaha.. Well, it's raining out there now.. And there are lightning and thunders.. So loud and terrifying. I am sacred. But, I am pissed at this moment. Yeah. I am.

Some shitty awesomeness ..

I had diarrhoe since morning. Now i'm half dead. 1smth then 3smth then 6. I am a goner. Sigh. I could barely feel my legs.. T.T

A letter to my dear friends?

Hey.. It's been a while since our last gathering.. How are you people? You know, back to those days, we went out and do lots of crazy stuff together.. We laugh together, we cry together, we did crazy stuff together and we even did silly stuff together, but hey, those days were gone.. And they will not be back again.. But look at us now, all grown up and separated, where's the strong bond between us? Stuff like we smoked together, played truth or dare , Ermm stuff like having dinner together, and as well as, having a bike ronda tour together and got lost in somewhere.. Those days. We were all so young and happy.. So wild. Now? They are all gone! How sad! I've always put you guys in priority and what do I get in the end? This kind of treatment? Am I the bad egg or am I really that worthless? Sometimes I do wonder what did I did wrong. One mistake doesn't mean I will make the same mistake for the rest of my life! Those days were gone.. All by myself now.. I may have made new friends but hey,they are not like you guys.. Not because we met in difference place, because of the time we spent together, the memories we had. Those stuff we did together. But me course, hanging out with any of you guys makes me happy. But still, nothing is permanent. They will leave me. And i'm back to all alone. Furthermore, they are not penangist.. I can't see then so often .. I just you know.. I just wanna spend more time together. There's no point when I plan stuff and nobody goes. It's pointless.. So heartless your people could be..

#289

Those days were gone.. How sweet were those days .. I miss laughing together with all of you, but unfortunately, there's no more memories of you people.. Things have changed, and so do people.. I couldn't comment on that, nor blame anything or anyone for it.. This is life, what could you do? Everything is prearranged by the God.. The almighty.. =) just accept the fact and live with it.. There's nothing else that could be done .. =) leave the past! You know, there's so much I wanted to know, but to get myself trouble-free, I should not know too much. Better off that way.. Nights!

#288

You know, I don't really like things going this way, it makes everything go rough! Give me a break will you? I just want to chill and regain my conscious and my rational thinking again! That's all I ask for.. Cry in silence.. Cry but you have to swallow every single drop of your tears just to hide your sadness.. Just put on that mask and live on! I surrender! Put the white flag! I really do give up. There's nothing else I could do.. I give up.. I really do. I wanna scream so much. I don't know what's wrong with me! But I will go for a jog tomorrow. Maybe get some sweat off my body.. Sigh. I'm better off alone. Lone lone! I just wanna be alone! I rather speak to Lucky.. At least she won't break my heart.. She wouldn't even answer me. At least, i'm better off that way.. Sigh.. I want to lay down on a beach and just hear the waves and feel the wind blowing so slowly, so slowly.. As if the time stopped.. I just wanna do that.. Fulfill me? Please? I'm blinded with dark clouds now.. I'm. . Really.. Blinded.. There's nothing I could do anymore.. I'm so tired and restless.. Give me a break....!

Roars!

Heart's broken into pieces.. I don't know why. I don't even know was I jealous or was I felt the unfair-ness.. But life's really unfair right? Today I went to fort cornwallis.. It's not a really bad experience though. A lot me people there.. Somehow I think I might go there again.. At least, I don't have to travel all the way up to batu feringgi or tanjung bungah just to let myself relax and chill for a while. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just don't like things this way. I never do. Mister or miss who-would-understand-me... Where are you? Sigh. There's so much to say but there's no one to go to .. Sad isn't it? Terrifying. Terrific. Fantastic. Lalala.. Listening to I surrender now.. I really want to say I surrender. I just want to leave this life so quickly.. So stealthily.. I don't know when will I break down.. I don't know and I don't wanna know.. Tired and restless and hopeless. Lifeless. Filled with sadness. Worst of all, the people I love for so long, we'll never be together.. I could only see you every once in a while.. Talk to you so slowly.. But I really could not touch you.. Because I do not know what will I do to you.. Hahaha! I night lose control.. Haha.. I pray for you to be happy and healthy all the time then.. Hope things will get better.. =) miss you much.. Take care! Thinking of you really did ease my pain.. At least it stopped me from thinking me those sad stuff.. Lalala.. I want a break! Roars! The roaring goat is currently soaked in boredom and sadness.. I need someone to distract me.. I need something to distract me.. Someone to guide me and someone to hear me!

#285 *actual one*

everyone has a dream. do i have one?

#285

I'm not really good in expressing certain things to certain people. I don't know who I could trust anyone anymore. I don't know if I would find someone to understand me.. Whatever! What I really want to say is, Imissyou.. So badly. T.T my tears just don't want to hold back and drop by themselves. Sadness conquered every part of me.. My soul, my body .. My mind. Sorrowners took away all my true happiness.. Sad is all can say. Gambling may give me happiness actually. Perhaps. I hope.. At least there's something for me to hope. But not live for. =|

#283

Well, i'm stuck in hard rock now.. Alone. But I feel fine, other than I need to go to the toilet. Dang. I wanna peeee! I've so much in my mind, but actually that's a lie. It's empty actually. Haha! Nothing much to think of la.. Haha.. Lalalala.. Leave it!

#282

Sometimes I really don't understand things. Even myself. I've gotten so impatient, tensed for nothing! Damn it! I really have everything now. Seriously. I want to leave this sick life. Just suck. There's no one I could go to. Worst of all.. Everyone has their own problems right? Sigh. Whatever. I just wanna leave this life so quickly.. And quietly. I don't know how much I could take anymore. And I see you no up! I really.. See you no up! Ugh. I hate this. I would have another car he you din do that at earlier. Well. I don't know what else to say. Till today, i'm still stuck with that addiction. I really hope one day, I would get rid of it. . =( but by doing that, it gives me hope! Nobody understands! Kao lat! Walao! Sadness. I just want to lean on someone's shoulder so comfortably to see the sun coming up or going down.. Stay under the rain together and get wet.. Hug each other tightly.. And smile when we're staring in each other's eyes.. Laugh when we did silly stuff.. Who would be there for me other than you? Who would change me other than you? Where are you, mr. Unknown ? When will you appear in my life? Waiting for you.. I'm waiting for you..

#281

today is the second day that my "auntie" visited me =.= crap la. pek chek like mad. macibai.

#280

Saturday and sunday.. I missed the numbers. Cost me two k. And, my capital, hundred over. Crap. I'm so gonna eat shit. Perhaps I should take a break. Relax. And smile! Yesterday I was totally broken. Till I can't sleep. I slept at eleven or twelve something. I don't know. But should be around that time. And I wolf up at four something. Incredible. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't stand the heartache. T.T of course, there's on guarantee of winning, but it was me who did not buy it even I was there already. Crappy me. T.T nothing to be sad of. There's nothing else I could say or do! So speechless! I should just forget it and move on! Yes! Law test is just in another ten plus hours but I have no mood to study at all! I've lost my interest and my life goals! I am a nobody! Sadness! Someone please, lighten my path! So lost!

#279

i'm gonna fail my business econ so badly =( and nobody knows it but me. you know, i feel so small when i speak with them back then. and i felt so dumb. =( so small and weak! where i don't even understand a single thing that i read! damn! how am i going to survive for the upcoming year? i don;t wanna lose my scholarship. i want to save the $$$! a lot of money! =D work it out! sk! it's time to wake up! stop loitering you extra time!!!!! and they are in redbox now. i'm still here. don't know lar. i felt better this way. at least, i saved my money! wooo! then then then! just now i took a walk in gurney drive. about 15minutes. and two of the aunties were surprised i was speaking mandarin =.= dope . this is malaysia! not indian! wth. =.= then in subway! omg! the foreigners ordered two! two! footlong of sandwiches each! =O surprisingly. well. i'm still interested! =D

#278

you know what? i want to be heard. i want to hear. i want to voice out everything. say everything. but who should i go to? no one. the person i trust most, doesn't understand me. the people i can tell, also don't understand me, or maybe will also say, you're silly. crap lar. yes. i am. i am silly but at least i feel better this way. at least, i don't have 2 guess what is the opposing party thinking about what i have just said. and i don't like one way communication. i don't like to be just the one talking. i like more opposing parties and so on. this generates ideas as well as distracts a lot of things. NONE OF YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ME! this is the reason i kept my blog private! NONE! bloody fools!

#277

interesting. o.O i want to know more. i'm interested. you know. things gets more interesting as days come by. o.O i really want to. oh well. oh well. lalala. i don;t know what else to say. there's so much in my mind. alright. give it a break. ignore you people then. =)

#276

if there's no loyalty, then please show some honesty, and if there's no honesty? please just show some sympathy! no! i don't need any sympathy! nothing! i need nothing from you! honestly to say, i don't know what the hell is going on with you all. everyone of you! every single one of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!

#275

today, it was actually a sunny day, then it became cloudy. we wanted to watch the sunset. especially sy. but too bad, so sad, the weather didn't allow us to do that. hmmm.whether it's fate or it's destiny i dont know. and i don't care either. i really don't want to sit her car there. i don't know why. i have a sense there. and i don't like the feeling though. =S things get more complicated now. guess i should just concentrate more about my studies. they are indeed more important. that's a unchangeable fact! well. i don't know am i too sensitive or rather, i'm feeling the changes. i feel things. i felt*. seriously. and now, i'm lost. i don't know where should i go or what should i do anymore. people just confuse me. i've lost the ability to see things in a simpler way and analyze things easily. i have the ability. i know. it's with me. there's so much i should do now, but there's not even a single force that forces me to do any of them! what's the problem with me? =( i'm getting tired and sick of this unsure, unease or rather unstable emotions or acts or whichever. but whatever it is, i want or i Neeed someone to open me up. open my mind up. open up my heart. i might need a shoulder anytime. i need someone who really feel or think like how i think or feel. who know what i meant before i even finish what i wanted to say. my path is just like the dark grey, cloudy skies now. so slow, so greyish, so hopeless. i couldn't say anything else other that a simple "sigh" but we should not say sigh. it brings bad luck. =S hope it doesn't =) sk oh sk. just. let. things. be. at. their. way. =) oh yeah. i have a feeling that we should just stick to the people who are close to your personalities. :O ooh and and i remember this! the meaningful quote. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

#274

I really have to say sigh.. But I hate saying that. It's bad. But hey, there's nothing else I could say or do more. Life's just get tougher right? There's on choice. I'm left with on choice. Totally. Ugh. I don't really know the reason that caused me so down, but, I am. Down. Baby are you down down down.. Dang. I'm so into looking forward for her next post. Interesting indeed. I know, you are down and blahh.. Deep inside. You just don't wanna admit it right? Stop acting tough. You are NOT! Not at all. I see those weakness in your eyes. Those fears you held deep inside and those questions you someone to answer. You know what? When you breakdown, I really could not imagine. Seriously, I do feel youngsters' driving skill nowadays have problem. They just think driving is so easy. Yeah. So not easy. Just let go the hand brake and step the pedal? Not so alright. Think me the consequences. Please think of the people around you, your family, your friends, or even the strangers who may have become your victim or may become your victim. Isn't awful, terrifying and people do tremble hearing that. Seriously. Treasure the people around you, treasure what you have before you lost it. Think twice on what you did. One for the reason and one for the consequences. Love your life, before you lose it. You will never know..

wtf?

wtf? wtf? wtf? os drove her car into the drain. who's responsible for it? i think everyone has the responsibility. no one told her. i did not realise about the drain there. and what the fcuK? she landed in the hole. shit la. come on. it's not all my fault, i'm just a part of it. right? yeah i think. i hope. wat the fark la. really mencibaikan. fuck wei. i really fucken fed up now. no one believes me. no one understands me. fuck wei. FUCK THE GOD DAMN WORLD. leave me ALONE! MAHAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i will be longing for her blog post. i want to see what's her response. =.= dangg

#272

Today was just another usual day. Wasted money on buying the numbers, again.. Damn. But never mind. Worst was, the wedding dinner. Oh god, but the happy thing today was also about the wedding dinner. I realised when my bro's wedding , we did not dance. Oh, what a waste right? Sigh. But never mind. There's still chances. Wait till i've fully transform myself to someone else. I don't really like the me now. Don't know why. But we should accept who we are right? I just can't .. Seeing the imperfections kids within me, makes me feel smaller, weaker, perhaps a little helpless. I don't know. I want people around me to be happy, without bothering my own safety or happiness.. Crap , I have this in my mind now.. ' I just wanna hold you closely, hug you tightly, kiss you lightly, and tell you, hit me, gently. Oh my god. That's so ughhhhhh.. Haha.. Whatever. Suddenly , I miss looking at the sunrise and sunset.. =( I miss lying in your arms.. Who would know what I want right? Blahh.. When the time comes, you can never run!