#221

lol. redboxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. i felt that we skipped a lot of lectures and tutorials recently. =S it's terrible. lol. but still, we are doing that. lol. anyway, such a great day today =) i felt that the four of us is becoming more into a group dy. somehow, we did a lot of stuff together, recently. lol. i don't really know if it's good or a bad thing. though it puts my pain aside, but somehow there's a soft touch in me that says something else. i don't know what is it. but er, i'm also curious as well. hmmm. yeah. this really did bugged me. this is a quote by me, for today. that's what i felt btw. I'm studying with them and i felt like i'm becoming like them. this is shit man. i like the old me. where i speak fluently =( i miss those words. those bombastic ones. but i do like to speak the new language, and i want to say it fluently, without worrying any grammatical mistakes. o.O how to do well in both? well, i just i need more practice! XD

#220

hmmm. interesting today. did OPS's test. wasn't that bad or awful as said. lol. but i did flunked it. crap. one wrong stuff i took. argh. disappointed much though. :( anyway. today, a super event happened. HE called me at 4.58pm, for 10seconds. who is he? only he, the God and wew knows! LOL! interesting huh? yeap yeap. quite an idea. LOL. well. there's another more interesting story to be heard. but wait up, i will just hope that you come and confront us. i really do. or not, i'm gonna confront you later on. :D if i have the opportunity, because? ysttm. =.= well. i'm looking forward for tmr's red box Wheeeeee* XD

#219

suddenly i had a soft touch in my heart that says "i miss you" o.O it's really weird. we haven't seen each other for quite some time, even chat as well. but this feeling just struck me. o.O i'm surprised actually. but i am not happy nor sad about it. because it's a past tense. weee* anyway, take care and good luck to you. =)

#218

well. last night i had a superb night. total awesomeness! =D thanks to wongWeewei,yy and bird! =D all the laughter and sillyness that i missed and had been longing is back. no. suppose to say, finally here. i wanted this night so much. after meeting up in bh2 then, went to abu and the a little detour to tanjung bungah is awesome. those shit we did in yy's car. woah. beautiful =) it's been a while since i had so much fun =) thanks again. and i will remember this quote, created by Weewei. "it's my birthday and i want to untie my ketupat" LOL!! i bet others will wonder what is this.. this is AWESOME! woots! there are some implicit meaning within that sentence. hah! woots! <3 that night, 23/7/2010, 1am - 2am. yes. i will definitely remember ABU's Indo meeee! woots!

crap!

yes i crap a lot.lol. time to crap lesser. XD and do more. =) life's short. as said by Wayne Lai, in life, how many 10 years do we have? LOL. wth. nonsense. yes. i'm crapping again. whatever lah. blow it. i have done whatever that i felt it's right. i have no doubt about it and i am not gonna regret for it because i knew i did the right thing. =) but whatever it outcome is, i am gonna leave that thing behind it. these wounds wont heal and it will leave a scar there, as a mark. there are already one. blah. blueblue on monday and orangee on wed. tired much. assignments due dates are worst. =S blahh. so packed. so much to do with so little time. nowadays i feel like, it's better to sit down alone quietly, without anyone questioning you stuff, so that you could think through things. blah. crap. ok la. dont even know what i am talking again. where's my formal blog posts? i could even blog properly like i used to. =( i am starting to talk more and more mandarin. =S i love english. i seriously do. i miss speaking it. =( where are you, sk? woo. today i felt that i am a little more relieved. what is done , is done. just shut up and move on! well. there's something i am pretty sure now. things wouldn't be the same as last time. because there a little something added on to it. =) but i do hope time will brush it off. i've learnt a lesson from this. i have to be more selfish =D but that's not the particular me. hah! i ain't selfish. and nothing can change it! weee* perhaps i should just keep myself busy with the week and ignore everything else =D more to come, behold sk! currently, listening to Leona Lewis's Happy. one good song. i just wanna be happy! watched this life passed by. but so what if it hurts me? i just wanna be happy! i gotta find my place. yeah. someday, i'll find my place. =) just me!

something new*

we all live in this world where we face a lot of different things everyday. we might face something we have not face before or maybe some repetitive stuff and so on. we might not know what's coming for tomorrow. we do not know what has God planned for us, ahead. this is destiny. and then, there are something which happened for a reason and you can do nothing about it. this is called life. but when you can do something to change it, this is called fate. it is destiny that we met each other. it is life that we are living in. and it is fate that brought us together. i have to say that i care. i care everything in my life. i may be or may not be a perfectionist. but i have own set of rules or principle to follow. i may or may not understand my self but i know what i want. it's just the matter of fact that can i do it or i can't do it. i see a lot of things after experiencing something new and way different from the past incidents. of course, as we grow all, we learn something new. we live in our present and future, not past. that's for sure. what has happened, has happened. just let it go. it's not easy though. i need a lot of faith, a lot of courage, a lot of thinking and considerations. but when you heart says go for it then i think we should go. we won't regret for trying because at least we tried. we won't regret for not trying. hmmm. there were sayings quoted by other famous people, for example. let the bygone bygone.. live like we're dying.. live life to the fullest.. yes. i knew. but for everyone, there has to be something we cannot let go and just forget. it's like living in our blood. it lives with us and dies with us. i guess. hmmm. well. i think i am crapping a lot here. but i do feel that if my keyboard is softer, i can type more smoothly. shitcrap again. lol. blahh! btw, do ignore my crap. it's just some bullshit of mine. lol.

=)

thanks to her again. she told me stuff that i never expected .. i know there are so much to say. so much to do. so much to be thought of. but. i just wont say it out. she knows. at least, she knows what i felt. =) anyway. today was. just another day with tears =( broke into tears again. argh. sk. you gotta stop this, alright? swollen eyes not enough er? eye bags like shit. =S damn it! btw, today james foo 's current ran or something. caught in fire. lol. terrible experience. and unexpected. well. we must expect for the unexpected. =) cheer up. live in future and present, not past? perhaps. =)

woi!

woi! sk! finally you broke into emotion! emotional! argh. wew o wew. thanks for staying by myself and let my self heal. =.= i really dont have the courage to face it. i'm so tired.. so so so tired... =( i live in shadows.. i feel. perhaps, that's me. it's stupid. but. i am quite used to it already. if i dont move forward, what will i learn? what else ? i missed a lot. wake me up! =) woooo!
i made it. deep enough and long enough. so that i will remember this. i will. definitely will..

finally i fell sick?

crap shit la. no. i hate sick. please go away. argh. make me kenot go red box with wew they all. o.O kaosainess. but it's been quite sometime i din fell sick. thank god for that. i hate being sick. makes me feel even lifeless. i tend to be even lazier than ever and i will just lay down on my couch and bed whenever i can. o.O yesterday was odyssey night. it was okay gua .. then i went to find mingyen they all. but there was something else in my head. but seriously. i dun have the courage to face it now. so down down down. inside out i am all done. all done. i'm weak. yes. i am. i must learn to be more stronger =) sk, dont be a weakling anymore! oh yea. btw. think i couldn't go for the blood donation again. crap la. two years also din get to donate o.O next year? or donate outside. o.O better save my blood for blood test first. Lol. and also o.O ...... roars! continues to write again* it's weird this time that i still have the mood to fb and blog even though i'm sick. o.o maybe it's a break too. the phlegm in my throat doesnt go away. the pain in my head is not fading. the ache in my heart is still there. but. i am not hungry! ain't that weird? nothing went into my stomach since er 6something last night. and that's unusual. o.O watever it is. i had a freaken dream when i was sleeping just now. another heartbreaking dream. why? why must this things haunt me even in my dreams? i am starting to feel that i am smaller and getting smaller. i feel i'm so weak. so small, so weak, so undecided.. and.. so lost. lol. i hate this part right here! chun nia this song. =S i can't take this anymore! help!

vroom..

tired. tired.. exhausted ah.. o.O i post as if this is plurk. LOL. bored. i want the time to stop.. O.o woi, sick go away. argh.

bonbon~

today. woke up in a steam way. perhaps i shouldn't have replied her at the first place, last night. it brought back my sadness after i have stopped it. but nevermind la. woke up quite steam. but luckily. it's not swollen anymore. but something else was swollen. LOL. worst. if sue sees it. for sure i kena :S but watever la. what had happened, happened. what should be done, should have done. it's time to face something else more important. assignments. eh wait. back to today. er. watched sin guang the whole day lo. nothing else better to do. =S then went to bon odori. quite boring la actually. but there's nothing else better to do uh? at least i kept myself busy for the day, it passed by more quickly and peacefully. then after bon, when to nando's with wew,sue and kevin. lol. eat till damn full after starving in bonbon. :S then all of us left.. me n wew went to meet yy,sunny,bird.shawal,stanley and hc at bh2. laughed like shit. laughed the hell out of us. it's been a while since i last laughed. haha. laughed so naturally. =| there's still some dilemma in my head. lol. i dont know what is wrong and what is right anymore.. i dont know what else can i do anymore.. i dont what else to say too. what should i do? act as if nothing had happened? sorry. i couldn't do that. it's hurtful if i do that to myself. i ain't fake. btw. i am not writing this to get sympathy. i just wanna jot down my journals. yes. perhaps. watever. so sick of everything. if there were just a reset button or a turn back time machine. for sure. i wont let anything negative to happen in my life. but that's impossible. lol. i find that the challenges gets more difficult from time to time. the matter of fact is, i did not grow stronger. i live in my past. i can't let go. i'm stubborn. that the typical me. o.O roars. this wounds don't seem to heal (by one of evanescence's song) roars. watever. i needa point. o.O i will go insane if this continues.

vroom*

roars

screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm* guess i can't post anything in facebook's status dy. o.O anyway, thanks to a sue,wew and shirly lo. =) thanks for the one hour plus there. i dont know what else to say. the problem is not at anyone else. the problem is in me. i am that type of people that is so stubborn and goes for savage ways to release my inner issues. aiya. i dont know what else to say d. better stfu o.O yes. yes. i finally remembered by i shouldn't post my status in fb just like that. the reason is, i dont wanna be another him. itu orang macam kurang ajar sikit. tau tak hang? kasih hg sempoi baru tau. argh. annoying ass. roars. what else is on my mind now? quite alot. been thinking that incident ever since yesterday. quite, er, don't know. i just don't let go things so easily. i dont forget people. i dont forget words that had already entered my heart and straight to my heart. just one small touch. boom* quickly. wooooo. . if you ask me to pretend nothing had happened, sorry i couldn't do that. perhaps sue know me la. since that time we had an, er, misunderstanding? i think it took about a week or so to rub it off. i think things will get better as time goes by, but no matter how long, it will still be in my mind. it doesnt stop and it pops. =.= and i am not angry of anyone at the first place. seriously. i am not angry of whoever. no. i am not. nope. i am not. no no no and no. i was just fed up of myself. there's no relation in you guys. o.O i'm stupid. i guess? or rather, i am too stubborn. well. that's my attitude. dear bloggie, lol. the reason i am writing to you is because i want to read back the foolish moments of my life when i am a teenager. well. i am sick of living. o.O if 2012 is real then it might be a good thing to me? another new beginning. o.O ok la.i am crapping. but the fact is, i find no reason for me to be happy of. failure.disappointments. disagreements. sadness.crappyme. woots. when can i regain my conscious. thanks to that girl who made me lost my analytical attitude. i used to see things transparently. i can read people's mind by looking at their eyes and body language. at least for that moment i know what is that person thinking and so. but u ruined it. all thanks to you! bloody fool. PS. this is another person. that we all know. this is old issue. not this sem's issue. lalalala. should i say life rocks or sucks?

dishearteness.

today was presentation and as usual. i flunked it. so fcuked up stresses these few days, or weeks? so tired of life and really sick of it. it's really fcuked up life. am i complaining too much? yes. i am. but that's my personality. am i remembering too much? yes. it's my characteristic. am i an idiot? of course i am. i am definitely one dumbo idiotic ass. perhaps i should stop doing those extra stuff. being kind is not easy. and yes. you did disheartenED me. u broke me. u made my day even worst. it's not that i want or not. it's i cant. i really want to. but i just cant. maybe next time i should just shut the hell up of me. life is so tiring. i wish for a god damn break. i dont want to see so much. it breaks my heart. leaves scars in it. and these wounds dont heal even times has passed by so much. i rather you kill me than break me. thanks for that though. at least, i learned a lesson, don't be so busy body next time. or not? you'll ended up be another dumbass. thanks for making the tears to fell though. i have been saving for a reason. and i did not expect the reason is you. i am not complaining or saying or what so ever. but i knew this thing could happen one day. and the day has come. you said it out. i am not angry of you but i am angry of myself. and this guilt in me has finally released out. at least, i have one less burden. if you still want to blame me for that. i have nothing to say. guess i will just stfu and walk away. and my heart is breaking. i could feel the guilt in it that is tearing it apart. life. sucks.

hectic days with tests =S

tests and tests and tests. then assignments in between =.= in and out. deep and through. woah. so much to do with so little and and so much distraction! sigh sigh. no more honeymoon i guess? lol. anyway, a sudden thought of "what will remind me of someone" yes. this is weird. lol. i dont know what i am crapping. i should be spending my time on entrepreneurship or SML's the idiotic green book =.= dont tell her.. shoO! XD owh btw, i miss those days when i was richer, and when i can spend money on drinks =.= zzzzzz